My mother was a table manners Nazi, and to this day tells her husband of 55 years (my dad) to get his elbows off the table, even at a family picnic. I am glad that I do have impeccable etiquette now, but the downside is I cannot stand other people’s transgressions. My husband was raised much more casually, and I just…

I know, right? It almost sounds like they are saying it sarcastically.

I own 3 Mazda’s - a 6, a 3, and a Miata. The latter two each have over 125,000 miles on them, and I have spent a total of zilch on anything other than oil changes and normal brake replacement.

I had a friend whose husband’s job was to source private-label products for a supermarket chain. I could name a product (frozen pizza, for example), and she could tell me who made the private-label version for that chain. I always assumed that most of producers were companies that specialized in private-label…

As an added bonus, Savannah will have an excellent guilt trip item to use on her spawn: “How dare you treat me like this when I gave up the Fucking Olympics for you!!!!”

No that only makes me feel worse. The Universe hates me!

Okay, that might be my problem. I do love my adult beverages.

I am one of those people who come away from a patio party with a dozen mosquito bites when everyone else has 2 or 3. I have read countless articles about why they think I am so tasty, and I don’t appear to fit any of the profiles (I don’t wear perfume, I don’t have any of their favorite blood types, etc.). Mosquitoes…

I have heard a similar story with raw meat inside the hubcaps of the “victims” car....

Question: What causes “old people” smell? The homes of all of my elderly relatives all smell the same, and because some of them live in newer places (like retirement homes), I have to assume it’s their possessions.

I love Yelp. It has helped me find some great businesses that I would have no way of discovering otherwise. I also would never not patronize a business for a single bad review, or even several if the good reviews far outnumbered the bad ones. Another thing I will do before letting bad reviews influence me is to check…

BOOM!!! 99 cents, baby!

It’s fine if you ask for it. But unsolicited.....you are taking your life into your own hands if you give a woman an appliance as a gift.

It’s fine if you ask for it. But unsolicited.....you are taking your life into your own hands if you give a woman an…

Speaking as a mother, you are really asking for trouble if you buy your mom a vacuum cleaner for a Mother’s Day gift.

Speaking as a mother, you are really asking for trouble if you buy your mom a vacuum cleaner for a Mother’s Day gift.

On the plus side, having your reception at one of these places is a perfect excuse to tell people why they can’t bring their insufferable brats with them.

Plus it’s another thing you have to wash....

Better yet, never use your work email address for personal stuff. My predecessor’s email got forwarded to me, and she probably was mortified that I was getting all of the responses from her Evangelical Christian dating account.

Yeah, I am pretty sure that listing “possessing a vagina a big plus” in the list of job requirements doesn’t pass muster with the EEOC.

Isn’t “beautiful bulldog” an oxymoron?

I have a big bowl that I pass every time I go from my couch to my refrigerator. I try to keep it full of fruit that I like. I can’t tell you how many times I went to go get an ice cream bar and came back with a peach or a banana.