Opens trunk “HOLY SHIT THE ENGINE FELL OUT!!!”

I also recommend the C-3PO prostate massager. He’s fluent in over 6,000,000 forms of communication, and pleasure is definitely one of them.

If they shut it down, it’ll get rebooted 10 years down the road by some jackhole who thinks it needs to be “more exciting” and I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life.

Eric Andre’s going to be the new host.

I got your new host right here:

“See! A lonely man with pre-game jitters paying for a hand job isn’t so bad after all, is it?”

Believe me, it’s better if he didn’t. You do NOT want him smiling.

“However, the Pelicans also demonstrated why Davis is looking to leave, as not even that type of night from him and 35 points from Julius Randle could overcome the Lakers” 

WTF?  Does he paint his eyebrows or something?  That is the weirdest looking guy I have ever seen.

Feel free to shove your Hawt Taek and the "Lakers Young Core" directly up your ass.

What we’ve got instead, in our used diaper of a universe—in which the Pelicans spent a month pretending to consider trading Anthony Davis in order to troll the Lakers, while meanwhile keeping their sights set on a future of pretending Jaylen Brown is so much better a prize than what was being offered that this…

This is fucking crummy journalism. Trash article trash takes. He’s under contract for another year and a half. The pelicans don’t have to do shit. Davis shouldn’t have inked the contract then. And God forbid the pelicans be Petty to LeBron and Rich Paul sitting their asset after he pretended to have a shoulder injury…

Not sure why Deadspin continues to make the Pelicans out to be the bad guys in all of this.

I’m not sure how much of a prize the Lakers were offering considering it was a bunch of dudes who couldn’t even manage to be in playoff spot despite also having LeBron on their team.

This didn’t age well.  

I’m still trying to figure out what the Pelicans did to make shitting all over them a top Deadspin priority.

This infatuation for LeBron James getting everything he wants, including an UNDER CONTRACT player from another team who didn’t feel that the offer they were being given was suitable, is moronic.  What’s next?  Are LeBron and his agent going to sue the Pelicans for monetary damages if the Lakers miss the playoffs?

“the Pelicans spent a month pretending to consider trading Anthony Davis in order to troll the Lakers”

This is coming from someone who a week ago wrote:

LeBron having to live out a failed trade scheme? This Universe rules.