And I thought the snake bite looked painful. That fucking catheter yank legitimately hurt to watch.

Yeah, I did, especially when he only gave him a pair of crutches and didn't even bother throwing him his other shoe.

Dan also asking Catherine and Marjorie to give him a 40-minute head start before his three-day non-ejaculation period so he could fuck his Tinder date had me dying.

"Sorry, Mike, you cannot stay with me. Please don't make me make up a reason."

"Mom, I told you, I get more homesick when you call."

That focus group guy's delivery every time he says the names of the participants fucking kills me. It's one of the show's best gags, made even better this time with the group being all prepubescent girls and a creepy middle-aged man.

I just wanna know where I can get one so I can look like a total fucking douchebag.

So… American Dad! and Angie Tribeca, those are new too…

The gag of him crunching down on a water bottle with nobody around him giving a fuck was too hilarious for words. Tony Hale really is the fucking best at physical comedy.

Just when I was hoping I'd never hear about Pokémon Goddamn Go again, in comes The Simspons with their typical late-to-the-party parody.

A baby with Dan and Selina's genes is gonna be more of a fucking monster than the world could possibly imagine.

My line of the night goes to: "I mean, honestly, that is the most grotesque country I have ever been to, and I have been all over Florida."

Selina's reaction to their thumbs was fucking perfect:
"You two ding-dongs look like you fingered the Incredible Hulk."

"So, I assume you're gonna beg for your job back."
"It's a very kind offer, but I already have a better job working for Selina Meyer. I thought you knew that."

"You may live in my home…"
"For free…"
"For free for six months."
"Fuck you. One year."

[pops champagne] "I mean, I knew Dinesh was going to fuck this all up, but honestly, this couldn't get any better. What's with the shirt?"
"Oh, he sort of became ill on himself."
"I was wrong. This just got better."

"Friend, I am acting in your best interest. You are looking at an initiated Yanmedjaran. Show a little respect to your fucking elder."

I could already hear the Samurai Ashi theme in my head.

"Ooh! So angry! Be careful, samurai. So much stress will give you a heart attack. Ooh! What am I saying? Please continue! Never mind what I said."

Never say never. Three more episodes can make a hell of a difference.