"Do you think I should use the oxygen mask on his dick?"

"You know, I didn't think it was possible for you to look more like a giant cock. I guess it's true what they say: you are what you eat."

Furlong's lines of the week won by a fucking mile for me.

"It's not nice, Dan, to make fun of other people who are supposed to be your friend, just because I look like a penis!"

"Saddle up those emphysema tanks, you inbred cousin-fuckers, 'cause we are going to drag this state into the 20th century. That's right, I said 20th!"

"Maybe if we teach them how to read a condom wrapper, they wouldn't get AIDS in the first place."
"Okay, see? There's hope."

"You want a drink?"
"Absolutely."

The whole show kinda is one big (albeit enjoyable) PSA for not having kids, unless you want them to grow up to be self-entitled millennial assholes.

Just here to mention American Dad! is new tonight too. Carry on.

Ben defending his use of "Chinaman" by saying his wife was "Oriental" was fucking golden.

"I am not some teased-haired casino cooze who will let you jizz all over her face with a handful of chips."

And that Marnie of all people would be the only friend sticking with her in the end is kind of a miracle in itself. But let's face it. If she were still with Desi, there's no way they'd ever make fucking contact again.

That she said that while Hannah had that big nursing bra sucking from her breasts was the icing on the cake. Marnie might as well have won the episode with that line alone.

As long as they kill off Shosh's fiancé in the first episode, I'm fucking sold!

Hannah's irritation over Marnie explaining breastfeeding was pretty great too.

Hannah's frustrated comments at Grover for not latching had me laughing the most.

I'm suspecting Jessa at least did.

"Oh, you run, you little harlot! Run as fast as you can, okay? But life is gonna chase you! It's gonna chase after you with problems you can't even imagine! And I'd be chasing you too if my vagina wasn't so busted from having a baby! So go and just fuck the shit out of Justin! Fuck him for me! That's not how I meant…

Selina also not giving a fuck about Catherine's feelings to the news was the cherry on top. I also loved her telling Mike to hit his kids on the nose with a newspaper and later put them down, thinking they were his dogs.

"You can't leave me now! Not after what they've done to me!"
"You have done this to yourself."