I, for one, think Goodell should stand proudly with his fellow finalists. Specifically, he should stand next to the Ebola caregivers, and exchange some bodily fluids with them, you know, just in case.

If you're putting underpants on your tits you're doing it wrong.

They stopped sharing it on the main page because there are no recipes or video game reviews or civil rights discourse or great deals on appliances, but you can see the latest one here:

Mike Jones, I need to speak with you immediately regarding some very important information in your possession.

You bought a human?!

I went off Abilify years ago. About the same time I went off lithium too. This was all after I was locked in a loony bin for a month on suicide watch with an ex-Boeing technician/heroin junkie as a roommate. Brilliant man, incidentally.

Who said...what? I love Joseph Fauria. He twerks when he scores touchdowns and posts videos of himself rolling around in bed with his puppy. He's awesome. He also seems a little bit unbalanced. That's not a bad thing. Its just a thing.

SPOILER ALERT: One person calls it "Mail Kimp."

Agreed, but I think the title is unnecessarily inflammatory.

To be clear, Obama's recent executive action for immigration has nothing to do with the problems these people face. The "women left in danger" were already in danger before it was announced.

Meanwhile, Russell Wilson is doing some rumor investigating as well:

Oh, Granddad! That's exactly what happened. You see right through me!

That's not what happened. I don't know exactly what did happen, but I know that's not what happened.

Oh Lifehacker...don't be such a poop noob. Folks, please disregard the terrible advice in this column and read on:

Now before you guys go calling Mike Ditka a racist, remember he MARRIED a black guy:

It's crazy to me that anyone living in the United States of America could be offended at what they did

C'mon now. We here at Deadspin appreciate sage legal insight, and are always eager to welcome any lawyers willing to provide it. We have one guy, I guess you could think of him as our resident attorney, but he's a rather senile, incoherent fellow. Always rambling about First Amendment rights and shit.