I want shorter games because I need that extra time to make sure the baby boomers haven’t snuck something by in the Senate. That, and to manscape.

He wants to be a martyr. Can’t be a top-notch martyr if you’re deemed insane.

The only person who believed in Mariah’s accusation was Mariah.

I wonder if this has to do with Thabo’s new endorsement deal with Honey Nut Cheerios.

I bet he learned that angry speedwalking move from Durant. It is very important for a Servant to walk briskly.

May 8th is shaping up to be a doozy of a day.

Quickest way to get demoted back to the grays on Kinja is to point out legitimate flaws in popular liberalism.

Homey don’t play that.

Carl Winslow or Carl Weathers? Because I’m pretty sure Creed has never done anything gay... aside from the romp through the sand and a possible sword fight or two with Rocky.

When I saw Amy was working on a movie called Snatched, I just assumed it was a vagina joke. Because it’s Amy Schumer. And she can’t go more than 15 minutes without making a vagina joke.

Judging by how he’s pulling the jersey, I’d say he’s actually trying to slyly drag Palmierei out of the way, while trying not to draw attention to his goalie’s pschotic episode.

You all fail to understand the principles of trickle down. Look at the first chart - most people’s incomes are trickling downward. The system works as advertised! Wake up, people!

With all of those words and stats thrown about, of course he’s coming.

I didn’t read their web site, but I don’t think agreeing to send a card to a rape victim in prison requires you to dismiss all rape victims outside of prison.

I go to plenty of Phillies games and not many enjoy her antics. Kids do, but that’s about it. Which kinda makes sense, because she’s mentally on their level.

I was trying to find a way to wedge in a reference to either the boy scouts or Penn State too, but no luck.

England seems to be upset that the U.S. has stolen the spotlight back after Brexit.

I know I haven’t been paying close attention to baseball over the last few years, but I’m pretty sure you made up at least 50% of these names.

I expected so much more out of Cummy Eyelids.

But do you really think the T-Wolves have the assets to land Brian Scalabrine?