NFL: you abused the sacred ball and we will flatten you with our justice hammer

Tom Brady agrees to forget about the whole thing as long as someone, anyone, gives him a high-five.

Makes sense. Hank would definitely favor a conservative running game over some flashy receiver.

She’d better watch out: Dave’s from Minnesota, even our dentists kill lions.

Though she would clearly like to see Dave in one.

Or a fat dude in a bikini!

This woman hates commas.

Why not both.jpg

This screed is ten times better when read in Peggy Hill’s voice.

So I will break it down in a top ten as I normally do on areas I would like to assert my opinion and clearly superior writing and intelligence skills as compared to this Dave Magary who I hope is make believe as I would push him over in his chair immediately to assert my dominance and supremacy like a lion does in the…

“I’m a believer in Blaine Gabbert. I am, just point blank,” Tomsula said Thursday. “We’re building a team, in terms of the on the field play and the team – Blaine Gabbert, that’s a beautiful piece.”

This is a microcosm for something. Idk why but I’m fucking dying at this. Crying laughing literally.

It’s this “Integrity Of The Game Certification” upon which the NFL has hinged its four-game ban on the Patriots quarterback

Nope, this is the first time a player has been made aware of it. They're citing a rule he's never been allowed to see to punish him.

Tom Brady’s appeal has argued the code doesn’t apply to him; indeed, only team owners, presidents, general managers, and head coaches have to sign it. (There’s no reason to believe players even knew it existed until it was used to punish Brady.)

“ or artificially increasing “crowd” or other noise levels in a stadium during the reporting period.*” So is this the same Breach of integrity the Falcons got a slap on the wrist for?

(X) The GM made a terrible decision and seriously overpaid some other player and, because in the NFL contracts are not really contracts, and because you refused to take a paycut to make up for our mistakes, so long, been good to know you.

3 seems way harsher than 5 to me. 5 is like “You’re good, but this other guy is a little bit better.” 3 is basically saying “You suck.”

Last one is especially cold. You busted your ass and are one of our 53 best players. But we can do better. Fuck you very much.

(X) You have consistently failed to pay the Club's fart tax and remain delinquent.