The party of “Fuck Your Feelings” got their feelings fucked with.

Swear to god, on Monday the entire press corps is gonna stand up and applaud when Sanders walks into the briefing room and I’m gonna barf.

“Playing the room”?!?

That is truly the weirdest thing about this. Like, even the “genuine” nature of the apology is qualified. Either you said (or most likely said) these things and apologize for that, or deny the whole thing. This is perhaps the strangest middle ground on a lie I’ve ever seen.

Well for starters, Tom Brokaw isn’t trying to claim that somebody hacked into his penis.

Fuck man. What is the fucking point of these letters and statements? Do these people not understand that people are complex and present themselves differently to different people. Do they really find it wholly inconceivable that Tom Brokaw could have been great and wonderful to them and STILL have been a boorish…

This one hurt.

You can still not have any sympathy for her yet still hope she’s enjoying her birthday by fucking several members of her Secret Service detail on Donald’s bed while he’s watching his DVR of FOX News

Well if the reported abortion happened on Fifth avenue I guess we will find out if he supporters will support him if he indeed “murdered” someone on Fifth avenue.

In this photo, he kind of looks like the guy who was in “My Favorite Martian”. Much better with the buzzed hair. I also hope he stops racing cars at least until he nails Trump’s ass to the floor.

Even if undeniable evidence came out that 45 himself actually performed the abortion on a love-fetus from an affair and consumed it with a bucket of fried chicken, half of his supporters would scream FAKE NEWS and the other half would find some contorted rationalization that he’s still the one that Gawd and Jeebus…

My birthday wish for her: I hope she’s sitting by herself in a room somewhere realizing that the gobs of money she got were not remotely worth the trade off. Selling your soul always seems like a good idea at first...

“He doesn’t have a plane, you asshole!”

Nah, they’d shrug the whole thing off with their belief in repentance and redemption that they only discover when one of their celebrities is in trouble.

Avenatti appears to be the perfect foil for trump.

Melania Trump has been dressed for a funeral all week, if you ask me.

It’s the heels I can’t even look at without wincing. I couldn’t even tell you if I had slippers on in the hours after having my baby.

I mean, she does look high as shite in the first photo in this article...as she bloody well should! If only I could look a fraction as good in literally any photo...le sigh.

This walking out of the hospital after a few hours shtick is a bit ridiculous to me. She does not have to do this (though maybe she gets privacy after those five minutes, so perhaps it’s worth it). To me it’s the Royal equivalent of mother selfies - I just gave birth, see how good I look!

Right? I know she’s not going home to a 9-to-5 job. She’s heading home to an arsenal of nannies, nurses and all. But good Lord, she did birth a human only a few hours before this picture was taken!!! And she’s not even staying overnight in the hospital!