Says the man whose hairline is so disgusted with him that it’s literally running the other way off his head.

It’s what I like to call the “cost of doing business.”

“Text chain migration must end.” —Donald J. Trump, probably

Is it wrong that I always assumed Seacrest was gay?

He lost all that weight but he’ll always be a big fat zero.

How can one like janet but not michael?

Oh man! Praying to baby Jesus that it’s not a sincere shot. I really need a Tiffany and Beyoncé friendship to happen.

He is only upset because that article was 100% true and he knows it. And no one would find it charming if the female stars who have hit pieces written about them every day obsessed over the writers who did it.

I’m a little disappointed how Babs gets treated with kid gloves by the writer for this ridiculousness. Millions of animals are euthanized every year and she’s throwing money at cloning dogs. Sorry, but she should be embarrassed by this.

Warning to adults everywhere. These kids are really smart and really good at the social media, stop screwing with them.

When was it irrational? He’s been dull garbage since... since... well, not long after he was first focus-grouped upon the nation.

For real. Let’s all go follow & retweet these teenagers and support them.

Haha! Burn! Lieutenant Janks seems to forget that Aniston was on one of the most iconic comedy shows of all time and came out richer than any of the others. She’s got a bunch of award nominations, an Emmy, a Golden Globe and people seem to really like her. She wouldn’t be able to sell any of those products if people…

So basically Trump knows no one will sleep with him for free.

so...Justin Theroux is single?!?!!

that man has starred in way too many of my sex dreams.

She’s fine!

And she just has to fart out a terrible rom com every few years and pretend she thinks flying is the best for an Emirates ad to bankroll that truly #blessed life. Sign me the hell up.

Can I add that she’s gotten to long-term bang two super hot dudes? I mean in my heaven all the angels look like naked Justin Theroux. I’m sure she’ll move on to something delicious. Lady is doing just fine.

Can you EVEN imagine if brad and jenn got back together?

I love her sly, secretive-but-not-really childfree-ness. Also, her eternally perfect hair. No mommy cut for Jen!