When will you learn that all we women are good for is sex and babies and our only definitions in life are as wife and mother. If you want to play fun game (and by fun, I mean enraging) pay attention to how many times a news story refers to a woman as a mother or wife, regardless of her accomplishments. Mother of two…

Stop blaming the Lizard People for Ted Cruz! Yes, we want to enslave and destroy humanity, but there’s no way we could stoop as low as that tool.

The Right finally did it: They made porn unattractive.

Jesus, no wonder his daughter recoils from his touch. Ugh.

“Wait, should we be doing this? I mean, you’re my stepmom’s plumber.”

I’m just really happy Al Franken is having an excellent day today. The only way this could have been better:

I mean this with complete sincerity. Burn in hell for this.

Lizards are vertebrates. Everyone know Ted doesn’t have a spine.

The clip he liked seemed pretty straightforward. A brave hero found the whole video and summarized it for the rest of us, which is when I found out the lady was the stepmom! The question is: did Ted watch the longer incest-y video? Or did he just watch the vanilla clip?

Guys, this is no laughing matter. Clearly this is going to be hard for Ted Cruz to get through, but if I know Ted Cruz, he’ll keep pounding it out as a member of the Senate. He has the ability to come back from this, but it’s going to take some intense work on himself first. There’s no doubt that this is a sticky…

ted cruz definitely jerks off by inverting his dick with a wooden dowel and screaming into a microphone hooked up to a purpose-built radio telescope transmitter aimed at the center of the galaxy while young gentlemen finger his asshole.

There are actually a lot of great old politicians on Twitter. For example, 91-year-old John Dingell burning Tony Romo’s new sneakers:

If you had asked me that when I was a new mother, I would have told “mommy porn” would be me watching someone else (anyone- I have no standards) clean my house, do laundry and change diapers while I rest for just one fucking minute.

I was a little surprised he liked medirocre vanilla porn (if you can call a stepmom eating out her stepdaughter vanilla) instead of tentacle porn, but maybe lizard people like Ted find human sex kinkier?

He says he was hacked but there’s actual video of him liking the tweet

Bless the person who diligently watches the “likes” column on Ted Cruz’s twitter 24/7

Damn. I’m so sorry. That sounds terrible. I’m glad you’re going to get to try the RFL again. Hopefully you’ll get better results this time. I wish I could drive you to your appointment, it’s not right that you had to drive yourself home. It’s highly unlikely that you moved to the Puget Sound though.