I like how he had to laugh at his own argument about Corsi being a trustworthy source. It was like that bit in the Vampire Weekend video where a drunken Jake Gyllenhaal gets nailed in the ass by a tennis ball he just lobbed back over the net.

Tomato ought to be selling online courses to these morons on how to troll properly. That dude can respond to himself from three different accounts and almost never has to ask his mom what her password is.

“We’re so happy you found us,” Mitt said, associating motherhood with the milk he would need to wash down all of the Twinkies and possibly the candles. Did humans eat candles? He knew he should know.

He’s a Proud Boy because he doesn’t get laid, and he doesn’t get laid because he’s a Proud Boy.

“Billions?”

Even the attorney who originally was arguing the case on behalf of cutting funding to Planned Parenthood, Eric Murphy, has since been made a judge by Trump.

Why is that show not good? Did I really just like Alison Brie for her boobies?

...the didn’t drink, but they thought it was a beautiful location for...

How do you feel about blasting it with Lysol?  I... blast everything with Lysol.

How do you feel about blasting it with Lysol?  I... blast everything with Lysol.

Yeah, but it was an easy joke.  There are dozens of ever-red states I actually blame.

Imagine the awkwardness of this weirdo calling you and asking for anything? Politics makes for strange bedfellows (with Mother chaperoning) indeed.

You’re in a desert, walking along in the sand, when all of a sudden you look down...

He’s Mormon. Never eating, drinking, or doing anything fun is a great way to live what feels like forever.

I think Wisconsin should ask the rest of the country for forgiveness.

They’re not Pol Pot, but they’re about as bad as someone can be and still get to walk around in our society. Mentioning how many people died hundreds of years ago from bubonic plague doesn’t have shit to do with how many people died from it last year, Strawboi. Things are supposed to get better.  Otherwise, there’s…

He did something even worse. He’s got us on the brink of war with ourselves.

Your mom obviously knows you’re a shitbird. The question is if this was her plan. Is she proud of her proud boy or ashamed?

“I speak for the president except when I don’t and, anyway, I talked about all this months ago.  Now, fuck you, I’m eating.”

If these are the sort of contest rules Trump encourages, someone can challenge him to occupancy of the White House by seeing who can drink the most white paint. I imagine things will improve no matter who wins.

Sure.