Coincidentally, “flogging the tide” is a rough translation of a Slovenian phrase meaning to sleep on top of a fat old man for money.

And the Fox News viewers turned on her when Littlefingers made blood come out of her whatever. Were people that don’t like him or Fox News supposed to forget that she’s an asshole and watch her show? I still don’t get the math.

The two skits aren’t remotely similar other than being about soccer coverage. You should have posted the bit from The Simpsons, too. Then, at least, you’d have what they call in ice-soccer a “hat trick.”

“But, duh, no one will know that a meteor hit me if I don’t take a picture of a meteor hitting me. Don’t worry! Nothing bad can happen to you if you’re holding a camera. That’s what some guy on Instagram named ChakraJesus said, and I’m really into energy and sandals, so it’s true.”

Senator @marcorubio, an important transformer, exploded in Bolívar and that, in part, again collapsed the Venezuelan Electric System.

That’s why he’s fighting them with Opposite Dollars. If you want to see a real waste of actual money, you should see how much his budget sets aside for “being like Ryder from Paw Patrol.”

President Toddler also requested $4 gazillion for ice cream and Laffy Taffy and Opposite Dollars for booster shots, naps, and socks, because socks are “tricky sometimes.”

You forgot the reverse-vampires, smelly boy.

I remember listening to the show, as so many of us did, and thinking that he totally got railroaded. And, also, that he did it. It’s an odd feeling, holding both thoughts in one’s head. 

I was like, “I like to think that some people like me.”

Australians are very positive. Kangaroo punches you, “Good on ya, mate!” You find yourself punching a kangaroo, “Good on ya, mate!”

Not quite sure what this is.  Not dismissing it because we’re mates.

“When Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept for there were no more worlds to conquer.”

There must be some inverted Maslow’s hierarchy of needs that 99.999% of us never access. Some stage where once you have all of the things forever you then require mass adoration. A perverse desire to become a godhead.

“Only the best people...”

The times I’ve eaten at Texas Roadhouse, I liked it more than similar places. Eating there six days a week is weird, but probably not much weirder than half the shit I do.

Dude.  Get laid.  You’ll stop hating so much stuff.

Someone’s given up sparkling water for coke.

(with apologies to Langston Hughes)