CleverNameHereJr./AOC 2020!

If I ever get caught cheating on my taxes, my defense will be that I did it because I was afraid of Slender Man and his creepy sex doll.

A.) It already has been.

This must fall under the “takes money to make money” thing. If anyone wants to put me on the Mar-a-Lago guest list, I promise to make a payment on my student loans. And leave a floater in the pool.

Fuck. This. Shit.

People focus way too much on the ‘sand’ part—the stuff in between the bread most often, the stuff that is interfacing with the condiments for example. But the ‘wich’ part is also important. It’s the wich that uses magic to make the sand edible.

Two words: Cheat more.

Yes, “ceremonial.”

Technically, it should be him. His investigation cast a shadow over everything Trump did this year. And last year. And, probably, next year.

He and his friends didn’t let it thaw completely; instead, they popped the cans and drank the 2 or 3 ounces of liquid that had melted. That liquid was straight alcohol, because the water that makes up the majority of beer remained frozen.

The South has many warts. Chattel slavery and its aftermath is a stain on our story as it is a stain on every civilization in history. But slavery was a collective American tragedy. [President Abraham] Lincoln understood that there was enough guilt to be spread from Maine to Key West.

A quick couple of points:

W is almost certainly dyslexic. Trump has brain-rot.

Trump is clapping his hands right now because he is an idiot.

This sort of thing happens more than you’d think.  I hired someone to paint my garage last week and, before I knew it, it turned out that he was an undercover cop who wanted to arrest me for buying a stolen helicopter full of PCP and counterfeit Beanie Babies.

On the other hand, nothing Davidson has done would justify him being stuck with McCain. She is as dumb as she is shrill. She looks like an overfed shark that somehow fell onto a makeup counter. She almost certainly smells like a warm block of blue cheese that has been sprayed with perfume. Her feet don’t touch the…

Next, Splinter will be claiming that it’s Becky with the good hair.

The problem is that Trump didn’t come out of nowhere. His current assault on democratic norms, his authoritarian leanings and his embrace of fascist tactics, are the logical endpoint of longstanding trends in U.S. politics, and especially in the Republican party. To look back with nostalgia at the Bush family…

Will Arnett refused to have his lower jaw removed for the part.