She claims her dad never farted in front of her, and I find this hard to believe.

It’s all the air in his head.

Nah, that’s when someone gets conjunctivitis.

+1 trip to Bada Bing.

“Is this something where you’re gonna press charges for assault and battery, or just some heated basketball shit?”

+1 drink from a bottle of rubbing alcohol

Not the first tool to be outdone by a chainsaw.

“If you Googled “Catholic priest scandal” or “Catholic church cover-up,” I bet you wouldn’t get any results.”

Related related question: why are you describing my current underwear?

We’re talking Iceland, not Scotland.

Thank you for that, Mr. Trump.  Now, shouldn’t you be heading to Mar-a-Lago to ‘work’?

The ratios on Lynn McHales tweets are..... not good.

Classic.

“If you’re gonna spew.... Spew in this.”

“Matthew who? Shepherd? Never heard of him.”

I’m going to show my wife this picture the next time she says I shouldn’t put a collared shirt and blazer on my penis.

It’s entirely possible to be good and corny.

Kansas State is in Manhattan. Iowa State is in Ames.

Yinzer Dellavedova

Pretty sure that’s Caitlyn Jenner in the top photo there, bub.