living her best life, the heart wants what it wants ok

just, bathe in DDT (Deet) - they’re back like they are because the gov’t stopped using it as a pesticide. apparently. i’m thinking of marketing it as some sort of perfume. you know... from home.

yes i highly recommend that most people also go nowhere. saves on gas.

also, as we learned: when you travel, at a hotel, put your bags in the bathtub. it’s visibly clean, and the bugs cannot climb in or out of it. part of me wants to just sleep in the fucking tub wherever i go. and so i go nowhere.

we had to do this and they brought a beagle that they had a very difficult time getting out of my house because OMG CUTE DOGGO COME SIT BY ME FOR ALL THE SCRATCHES

additionally, if you swat at one while it’s in the middle of it’s 3 daily meals, its brain will reset and it’ll start all over again. 1 bed bug can bite many, many, many times.

... they can live without food or water for up to 18 months. they are satan.

SHUT THE FUCK UP DONNIE sorry, habit

i read that line and straight up yelled, alone in my home OH MY GOD, WHAT, OH MY GOD ... WHAT. OH, MY GOD.

nobody gives any love to The Ring. i used to watch it on repeat in the early aughts because i was v cool and refused to get cable, for some reason it struck me as really beautiful and calming.... now i have a pavlovian sleep response to it, which, really if you think about it, might be how i don’t die when something…

word! it’s my new thing - trying to make shit fucking peaceful and shit.

<that escalated quickly gif>

also that popcorn costs TEN FUCKING DOLLARS.

man i saw that too... and came back here specifically to see if any of this conversation was a part of that one. it definitely seemed like a personal chat, being held in public, and i lost interest after the millionth exchange. it seemed mostly normal until “miss cookie” was like “i want you inside me” and J&T was…

i was just telling my husband last night that i wish alexa had a manners plug-in so i can get back the “you’re welcome” i fully expect after thanking anyone older than two years old. i often have completely one-sided conversations in the grocery store after being ignored...

me: oh, excuse me! so sorry!

... i mean can’t we just wait for the woody harrelson version?

i mean ok but then you only have a 2 inch pitch but are 4 inches taller without all the discomfort of a 4 inch pitch ... i forgot what i was talking about

i totally understand this - my husband did the same. i was pregnant after miscarrying a couple times, and after my sister and a close friend both had full term stillborn babies. i was so paranoid, i refused to have a baby shower, or even tell anyone until well after 20 weeks. anything can happen, and my husband was…

“Connections have always been vital to the magazine—it’s just that a slightly different network turned out to be more remunerative than the society matrons of the Philadelphia Main Line, or whoever.”

no disrespect to anyone anywhere ever for any reason, but might that not be more aptly described as “pastrist?”