As a teacher, I’d like you to consider option 3 - This is another consequence of the Zero Tolerance policies/nonsense.

Weebles are the best! Some days when I am really sucking it up, I say to myself, “Hey, Weebles wobble but they don’t fall down. You can do at least as well!”

I’m dating myself here, but Gisele and Tom really, truly remind me of Stephanie and Michael, the ultimate irritating self-absorbeds, from the 1982-90 “Newhart” show. And not in a good way.

If what she calls bra fat and what I call armpit fat are the same thing then fuck yes, let’s do this. Also, fucking armpit fat is such bullshit. I weigh the same as I did in high school but naked I look like a melted candle.

Or alternatively, alternatively, god’s just an ass. I’ve thought this since my Catholic grade school days, “Abraham’s supposed to do what to his son?! Man, this god guy sounds like a real douche.”

So... Canadian food.

If I were part of Jesus’ squad in this setting, I’d take him to Pat O’s for a hurricane. Dude is intense. YOLO, Jesus.

I’m not religious so I had no idea what ended up happening to Jesus. That ending was a shocker!

Floridian since 1977.

I remember when, in my early adulthood, the “5" button fell out of my phone, and it turned out that almost everyone I knew had a number with a 5 in it. This was kind of awesome because now I couldn’t drink and dial, which I had a bad habit of doing now and then on odd weekends.

‘82

Born in ‘67, yo!

If you’re going to date a no-talent guy who is desperately riding you and your families’ coattails for dear life trying to get famous, at least get one that isn’t repulsive in every imaginable way. Get a young Idris Elba or Marlon Brando look-alike ffs, not a guy who looks like the donkey from Shrek, but without the…

“...but once 11 AM hits, baby, I’m on that Grey Goose like a hamster on a cage-mounted water bottle.”

I hate all of these people you’ve been dating.

I’m 34 and was dumped by a 45 year old for a 21 year old last year. I’ve been on dates with six different dudes, ages 38-57, in the last seven months who told me either on the date or in a follow up that they just really need someone under 30. Against my better judgment, I saw a 48 year old a few time who told me…

I have no idea, but now I’m craving fondue and a Tab.