I felt the same way about "Congo" when I was that age.

Or the classic cowboy song, "Mamas Don't Let Your Horses Grow Up Thinking It Is Okay to Drink From a Spittoon".

Amazonian tribes traditionally use a pair of clam shells laced at the hinge with sinew as tweezers to remove all of the bride's body hair before marriage. They probably eat the clams first, if that counts for anything.

Your first line got cut off by Disqus. How many "u"s was that?

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was creating a situation where road rage spurred a pastor to shoot someone dead with a crossbow.

Where's all the hipster rum?

Oh, would you please stop bringing Hollywood into every discussion?

Ok, but aside from the first cast, the overarching subplot, the tone, the structure and the "True Detective" feeling, what has Nic Pizzolatto ever done for us?

Is "True Detective" the first show where every female character is wearing a thong when they undress?

My pen! My pen!

It wasn't in sweet Laurel Canyon, was it?

"At last we meet, Electric Shaver! You have destroyed my family, and now you must die!"

Hah-cha-cha-cha, cha-cha-cha … Delicious!

"Come closer, my son, I must tell you something."

Historically, movie detectives are accompanied by zero backstory and exist solely for their character-generated angst. These movie detectives rely on fog machines and tiny little blank guns to flesh out their characters.

Man, there better be more than four Vergaras waiting for me in paradise, or else I'm gonna ditch this suicide bomb vest and go be a Mormon.

I just got the joke that Ricky and Lucy from "Trailer Park Boys" were named as an homage to "I Love Lucy".

No, the Crown just treats his cancer. The beau-coup bucks are in pulling his wisdom teeth.

He really does have that perfect improv mix of hangdog and asshole.

Henry Kissinger carpet bombs his parents with whichever incendiary munitions articles he wants.