"Wism Onlyism In It Forism Thism Moneyism"

Food stamps, dude.

Don't say shit like that, dude. We're all being watched by PRISM!

I was hoping that the Hamilton Beach Breakfast Sandwich Maker would revolutionize my morning routine.

Well, he was charged with a felonyasm …

I think the last game I bought was a replacement second disk of "Resident Evil 2".

I myself gave Mr. Presley his Junior G-Man badge and swore him in as an imaginary DEA agent.

We do all seem to like "Phantasm"…

Unreal Tournament games? Man, it's been, like, a decade since then. You should go see an eye doctor.

Spoken like a true person who has never fried bacon on a Mr. Coffee burner.

Us normal people make our breakfast sandwiches on our generic Foreman grills.

You don't have to spend any effort. Just spend a mere $300 bucks plus shipping and handling for the Hamilton Beach Breakfast Sandwich Maker Breakfast Sandwich Maker Cleaner!

Seriously. Like they expect us to be able to count to three in the conditions we're all in right now.

I've watched grease fires spring up and burn a McDonald's franchise to the ground in less time than that.

Dearest Mr. Kroc,

Oh, totally. No one whose parents knew anything about anything would think that Lunchables were a good deal.

Yeah. but this special machine lets you make an Egg McMuffin as quickly as the McDonalds people can make an Egg McMuffin.

Man, like, our political system is pathetic. My dad is way older than Obama and nobody ever elected him president.

Like, maybe I only like "The Sarah Silverman Program" because I watched a whole bunch of it when I was a perpetually-stoned 16-year old.

Yeah, all us normal people think her voice is fucking adorable.