I got really drunk at a popup gallery in a SoHo basement once.

I wonder that too. Like, it's gotta be a push-pull between the company that prints the T-shirts, the person who designs and orders tees that infringe upon copyrights, the market saturation of the shirts, and the cultural heft of the entity that owns the rights.

Oh, great. Now I'm going to have to come out of retirement and exorcise the Internet from shitty T-shirts again. The Battle of "Beware of Geeks Bearing Gifts" still haunts my nightmares.

My dad is in the trade show biz. I'll ask him if they still call freebies "swag."

Up until now, I thought "Chive" was an A.V. Club in-joke.

Well, there was a fork in what we in the field refer to as the "chronodouchipshitonology," around August, 2012.

Hell, I'm an ass man and I can get behind it.

Yeah, well, they still make that horrible squeaking noise every time you go for a layup.

I've switched from buying 750s of mid-shelf imported wine to buying 1.5-liters of mid-shelf domestic wine.

1. Set up open communications network.
2. Charge media $15,000 dollars for the privilege of regular updates.

I forget who the first band I opened for was, but during our set some stupid overweight scene girl in the front row with this dumb fauxhawk and a Hot Topic T-shirt decided it would be cooler to unplug our monitors than join the mosh pit, so we had that going for us at least.

I love how the inventors thought that would be the most surreptitious thing ever.

I dunno, that Ishkaveskyviskyvitcherfinklensonsteinstien fellow seems awfully suspicious …

Nice try, Prince of Nigeria. Give up the names of the Islamists operating within your borders and then we'll talk.

Ketchup! God, it was ketchup! When will these grand jury summonses stop?!

If you read "The Spot" you would know those interviews were lies crafted by Madison Ave's best and brightest.

Being a guinea pig for the new generation of in-vehicle head-up displays is a sacrifice for which venture capitalists your country will be eternally grateful.

I'm with you on that.

Yes, but it means that I must now hire a much larger helicopter than usual to transport me to my Harvard Business School speaking engagements, and I do not see anyone offering to foot the bill.

But according to their website in 2015: