Massive respect for taking the time to research our shitty, shitty city (outside of Mass Ave).

I respect your commitment to big boy accuracy

About 98% of us hate the 2% that booed him. They can fuck off to Philly or something.  But sir, we have AT LEAST...*looks around and counts*...5 tall buildings downtown. We’re not Akron, or something.

Having whorfed tomato soup, can confirm: not bad. 

I’ve seen his cum.

Yikes that sucks.

William Fichtner is the best “hey it’s THAT GUY” of the past twenty+ years.  

Fichtner’s sister has a house around my area and it’s a rare but amazing occurrence to see him in person at a bar or restaurant over the summer. 

It astounds me that, even though I don’t know any of these people, one trip to Wiki assures me that I definitely do.  Next thing, probably, I’ll realize that all these song titles people bandy about, I actually know the melody.

Right behind William Fichtner and right in front of Keith David

Just like Janikowski!

Being upset about football is good priorities, and I say this as a pathetic Cardinals’ fan.

I seriously question who THOUGHT Parkey was going to hit it. Obviously the Double-Doink was just the Flying Spaghetti Monster laughing at us for not believing in Parkey, but literally every fan I know, aside from the true meatheads, were sure he was going to miss that kick.

I texted my brother “Impossible? Or inevitable?”

The craziest part about that story is you saying you weren’t going to drink in Florida. 

“I ended up passing out on a beach chair and waking up covered in sand flea bites, which apparently I am allergic to.”

Those days are called Saturdays at 9:30 with Mistress Breanna, and I’ll thank you not to kink-shame me.