Can’t have a lemon party without ol’ Dick! 

Yeah seriously fuck that “I’m above getting worked up at dumb shit” attitude. People cry about fictional characters. Isn’t that just as dumb?

I lived across from a Papa John’s for a couple of years and was never tempted, in the slightest. There was a Mexican hole in the wall spot a couple blocks away that actually had really good pizza, in addition to solid Mexican food, although that area also had a ton of better Mexican restaurants. I moved to a more…

You are missing the best part of sports:  Becoming emotionally invested in something that doesn’t matter.  You get to experience real emotion, feeling your heart ripped from your chest, tears to your eyes...BUT: You don’t have to go to a funeral, move in with your parents, realize your wife is fucking someone else,…

Hear Hear.  I lived in the building next to a Papa Johns for about 4 years and only had maybe one slice of their pizza during that time (some of my neighbors had terrible taste in pizza).  The other pizza joints were more expensive, further away, and required the added expensive of tipping for delivery but it was…

Thank you for making me laugh out loud like a crazy person at work.  Good thing I wasn’t drinking coffee when I read that or I would be placing an order for two new monitors and a keyboard right now.

I’d think I’d rather eat the vat of hot tar than a Papa John’s pizza.

Ooof. This made me wince aloud.

Would explain why the cheese never covers the entire pie, so the sauce oozes out like open wounds.

That would slow the delivery time

I cried when I woke up to the news about my favorite baseball player, Jose Fernandez.

Oh you mean something like this?

Your (justifiable) disdain of the weird sentimentality of Cubs fans notwithstanding, the crying isn’t about the stadium. I don’t really miss standing in a mixture of beer and urine while in line to get a sausage and peppers on a stale bun at Shea Stadium, but knowing I’m not going to step into a place again where I…

Dad, is that you?

Okay, yeah, but that’s always the right answer. 

(Sox blow save, give up game-winning grand slam to light-hitting infielder)

I cried like a baby when the Caps won the Stanley Cup this year. And definitely when Sean Taylor was killed.

*Scans list of best catch phrases*

It’s gonna be quite the shock when one of those kids poops out a bunch of fake treasure. 

I want to say that I enjoy a Special Release after 4 Hands, but I feel that would send the wrong message to the kids.