If you were Barron, would you ever go on the internet?

Trump’s going to ban soccer and then the only hobby poor Barron will have left will be staring into the void, waiting for it all to be over

They were actually chanting Jerry to get the attention of Reinsdorf, so maybe he could sign a free agent that can hit.

If you don’t have any family friendly triathlon jokes, I’m afraid I’m just going to have to ask you to leave.  

The triathlon part, mostly.  

Well see, that’s where I disagree.  

Sure, says triathlon right there!  

yeah dude, welcome to helllllll

That was a triathlon joke

No one ever said switching to triathlons was easy.  RIP

My parents took away things that I loved back in gradeschool/highschool, when I’d come home with Cs in English, but frankly, not knowing or caring about things of this nature is freeing.

Eggs....Oh yeah, that’s the big one. She does the Pam spray too, no fuckin way.

Do you know why they don’t? Because if they give settlements to the Stablers and the Seaus of the league, they’re going to have to pay out to all the other players whose lives have been destroyed by the game.

My wife always uses half the butter that recipes recommend. I resent her deeply for this and make up for it by doubling the butter when I cook for her. 

Because the NFL is a monsterous organization that would rather attempt to silence the loved ones of deceased players to protect their bottom line than eat into their profits to provide proper healthcare for their crippled greats

I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me. And since I don’t have a butler, I have to do it myself. So, most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman Grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill, I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of…

The worst sport to play defense is golf

Haha you’re good man.  I just like poking fun at others because it keeps me thinking about my own plight

Sir, you try to insult me all you want, but I know that my front office is garbage and I make no excuses for the Bulls evolving into a laughing stock.  I can at least justify my fandom on growing up watching the greatest team ever

The Wizards are playing with chess pieces on a Chinese Checkers board. Nothing is working because the people in charge lost their fucking marbles