So you assessed the set up for the punchline?

Ok, but just so we’re clear, the part about grabbing the lil fucker by the ankles and heaving him hi ho to hell you’re cool with?  Got it.  Love it. 

He’s near?

It’s a word they picked up at home and are using without knowledge of how truly hurtful it can be. It’s a shame, but it’s just a toddler, which means that even the weakest of adults should be able to pick it up by it’s chubby little michelin man legs and hurl it’s racist ass into the air and straight to hell.

Fellow Bears fans watching him burn over and over and over

Barry, what the fuck

Alex

You’re not yourself when you’re hungry

He never said the treadmill was on

Is it possible that due to the accident, Drew thinks it’s 2018 still?  

Lucas Giolito has give up 3 home runs in 2019, none of which have been grand slams. So either Drew is still working on emails from 2018 or Maddie is full of shit.

In related news, Tim Thomas will be making his 11th trip to the White House this year, stating that “one more punch on my visitors card and I get a free well done steak”

i’ll slap the glasses right off that nerd face

Listen here, you goddamn fuck.  I GOOGLED it!  Does it usually allude to 3 or more?  Sure.  Can it be used to say 2?  Yes.  The only wrong answers are zero and 1.  I will fucking find you

Meh. If you’re a baseball fan it’s still an experience to go there for a game. Just make it a weekday day game and you’ll be fine. 

Sorry, finger foods just aren’t filling. See it was a joke directed at the size of your small penis. Which would hardly be considered a meal

I live 5 mins from Wrigley.  Woodfield is a pretty sweet mall tho.  Spend a few hours at Spencer gifts and then park my ass at Texas de Brazil for 45 mins of PAIN

I assure you that I have been fuller of shit than this before and I will be even more full of shit in the morning when I retool and log back onto kinja.  You fucks can’t handle the amount of shit that I am capable of storing