What sort of crimes do I need to commit to get Paul F. Tompkins to host Jeopardy?

If Red Lobster is involved, so is cross contamination.  Seriously, I can’t even go in the building because the allergens aerosolize from the fried shrimp or something.

Never felt better about being deathly allergic to shellfish than I do right now.

FFS people, learn the difference between “fiction” and “reality” and while fiction does sometimes impact reality (e.g. we all see “Nimrod” as a term of derision for a dimwitted person *because* of a Bugs Bunny cartoon) , realize that the effect is not 1:1.

At this point, it’s like how every chocolate cake recipe involves salt (since a small amount of salt makes things taste more like themselves), but nobody’s going to say “this is my salted chocolate cake”.

Dr. Pepper during college football season is one of my vices.  I wonder how much Dr. Pepper I’m going to need to buy to qualify.  If it’s like a reasonable amount, I’m game.

If only you could grow a new kidney so easily, by inserting kidney beans into the fallow soil of your urethra.

If the restaurant is located above the drive thru lanes (which isn’t a terrible idea), can I still go inside of the restaurant if I prefer to look at a person?  I mean, once we are finally done with the whole plague thing.

There’s absolutely a game jam here unifying the ideas of “left at the altar”, “house burned down”, “mysterious mansion”, “possibly killer grandma”, “fiancé faked his death”, “possible incest with grandma”, “clandestine bush assignations”, etc. where every entry would be more compelling than the actual game here.

Well, somebody’s going to be having a pretty exciting August 18th this year.  Get your pumpkin coffee and hit up the robot sex conference.

The most recent Activision/Blizzard game I own, I think, is DJ Hero 2 for the Xbox 360.  It’s okay if I continue not playing it, right?

I guess the lesson is “don’t base the concept for a dish on ‘this is what we think only bougie asshats would order’ because people are going to let you down.”

Live, it was very entertaining... one of the funniest things on a wrestling promotion in some time.  I get that Domino’s wants to present a “family friendly” face, but I think they should be able to get over the fact since the actual juxtaposition was quite amusing.

This summer is much hotter, and much less antagonistic towards places like Starbucks than last summer.

I appreciate that McDonalds is keeping me informed of which musicians are popular with the youths, as I would have never otherwise heard of them.

I mean, the “never ketchup under any condition”set is sleeping on how delicious currywurst can be.

I’m sure these are great onions, but I cannot for the life of me understand why people are narrow-minded about “what you can put on a hotdog”. This summer I’ve made hotdogs with pico de gallo, chili crisp, Malaysian peanut sauce, and esquites and they were all delightful.

The “fun” part of living in a destabilizing climate is finding out all the new things that can go wrong.

The weird thing about this, is that as a white person who grew up with oatmeal as the baseline “bland, nutritious porridge” the whole appeal to congee for me is “you can add things to this that would feel weird for me to put into oatmeal.”  Like peanuts, crunchy fried shallots, stir fried pork and cabbage, etc. 

It didn’t help that I only found out about the “free sandwich from 10 to 2" at 3 PM local time.