If my partner's sister tried to cut my hair as I slept, I know I'd be allowed to kick her ass.

I was just thinking "is this assault?" and I guess it would be after I picked up the chunks of my hair and stuffed them down her throat.

I went downstairs and informed my husband and his brother and showed them the cut strand. They both said that SIL "is immature and not let her get on your nerves".

I know one thing, if my husband acted like someone physically harming me was no big deal, he wouldn't be my husband much longer.

If she's taking a nap upstairs at her SIL and BIL's house while the adults are watching TV, that tells me she and her husband don't have kids. That's great news. She can divorce the guy and be rid of him and his crazy sister, because he is also a nut job if he thinks his sister's behavior is remotely acceptable.

To my great amusement, Brandi just can't keep her mouth shut. I expect her to publicly label Krupa an escort within the next 48 hours. There's just no way she'll take this silently.

Would also just like to point out that Miami is the second-worst franchise (obviously DC is the worst) while Beverly Hills is, inarguably, the best.

The audience be like

Juggling my aversion to violence with the satisfaction I got from watching Porsha drag Kenya during the RHoA reunion has been a real struggle.

You could say Christina Schwarzenegger is his... Braison d'etre. Boom, French pun!

All of that. She is the worst. She is the fakest human being I have ever seen, and she's conniving as hell. Good for Lupita. Throw that shade girl. Kenya is about 10 levels below you.

When asked for comment about Kenya's remarks Lupita replied;

Having the self-assurance to say "No" to something she doesn't believe in is why Lupita is going to be gloriously successful and make an impact on Hollywood and the world, for years to come. We can all take a lesson from this.

Lupita!! You continue to make so many good choices. KEEP IT UP!!!

Sorry an Academy Award winner didn't want to take a photo with a stranger that would inevitably be tweeted as a publicity magnet for your B-List reality show, Kenya.

At last, evidence that you should always bring Spears to a knife fight.

YOU'RE TRYING TO RUIN IT BUT YOU CAN'T. CAUSE ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS GRILL UP THAT BUG AND SERVE IT WITH BUTTER.


MMM-MMMM. BUTTERED SEA BUGS.

"She tourniquets her arm at the elbow with an ice pick and towel, washes the blood off, puts the offending knife onto the gas fire, heats it to a nice brick red and...wait for it...cauterize her own arm."

In her spare time, the chef from David's story enjoys Russian Roulette, eating glass, and arm-wrestling silverback gorillas during their mating season.

Depending on where you get it, it can actually be not that great. It's really more of a melted butter delivery vector than actual quality foodstuff in its own right. If you just get some imitation crabmeat and melt some butter for dipping, you'll get a rough amalgam of a cheap lobster dinner.