I used to refer to it as being like that logic puzzle. ‘You’re beautiful but you don’t know that you’re beautiful and not knowing that you’re beautiful is what makes you beautiful so presumably me singing that you’re beautiful will let you know that you’re beautiful and then you won’t be beautiful any more and then…

I get this from my mother too, actually. After I put on moisturizer, foundation, blush, eye shadow, mascara, powder liner, cheek and eye highlighter, and some chapstick, she always asks me why I don’t have any makeup on!! Like it doesn’t count unless my lips and eyelids are an unnatural color and I have black liquid…

That and how guys think our hair is just naturally straight and frizz-free.

I generally wear just two products (black eyeliner and red lipstick) and I am probably generally considered to be wearing more makeup than a girl wearing ten products in much more neutral shades. Whenever dudes are all ‘I like women who don’t wear makeup, like *this* lady’ *shows picture*, I am always like ‘Dude, she…

This is why besides lip gloss, I don’t even bother with day make-up. I am too damn lazy to be reapplying and touching up during the day. Plus my skin gets oily/shiny, and I haven’t figured out what foundation I need for that.

In college I was in class with this girl - we interacted pretty regularly and had even done a project together. One day (only day, because, college) I came in with full hair, makeup and not yoga pants. GF straight up didn’t recognize me and introduced herself and asked if I was new to class. So either I’m a magician…

I occasionally do things to intentionally make her uncomfortable. She is totally manipulative. The mother of an only child whom I stole from her. She has started so much shit just by twisting other people’s words and attempting to victimize herself... I think I’ve made it pretty clear that while I love her because she…

When I was 19 or so I worked in a shop and forgot about our monthly meeting until just after I got out of the shower. I got there in time with no makeup and my hair still wet only to be severely harassed by the all male workforce. I was barked at, mood at and they were all in tears laughing about how horrible I…

I want to send all those fools down a “no-makeup makeup” YouTube rabbithole to explode their uncritical minds.

Basically. “Get ready before I get here because if I have to look at your real skin, I will vomit.”

My sweet wonderful boyfriend must have at some point picked up that girls want to be complimented on their makeup job too, so he would say things like “ohh I like the way you did your eyeliner.” I was so happy, finally a guy who appreciates the talent that goes into painting my face! Then at one point he let it slip…

When I was in cosmetology school, the owner of the school did a makeup demo. She was a person who knew how to do that Kardashian thing years ago.

“You’re So Beautiful Just Like U R (As Long As You’re Conventionally Beautiful)”

“I like it when you don’t wear much makeup,” is manspeak for, “I want you to wear it, but don’t let me SEE that you are wearing it, because I need to believe the illusion.”

Yes, I get told a lot “You don’t even wear any make-up!” Um, no. I am wearing foundation, concealer, eyeshadow, blush, mascara and lip gloss. When I go out I add eye liner and a darker lipstick. But I absolutely wear make-up every day. Natural looking make-up.

I once had a boyfriend who, while holding a container of metallic gold eyeshadow, said in all seriousness, “So... this is eye shadow. It must go under your eyes, right?” As if it was some mysterious new term that he had to figure out.

As always, Teh Amy skewers the heart of the matter. That is absolutely the subtext of every one of those goddamn songs....

WAKE UP AN HOUR EARLIER, SO YOU CAN MAKE YOURSELF GIRLIER!

“Just a little make-up, some natural looking make-up”

Same. I’m obese according to BMI, but I think my gym routine and that I’m training for my first full marathon says otherwise.