THIS IS NOT A DRILL, PEOPLE! WE ARE AT DOUCHECON FIVE!

The day I suck a man's dick for any other reason than because I goddamn felt like it is the day every single one of you needs to put a fucking bullet in my head.

I saw her on a late night talk show once and was super intrigued, though I had heard her music before and wasn't that impressed. Then I saw her live and was so impressed I fell in love. Then I saw her perform with David Byrne and my head exploded.

ENVY. She's at/near the top of my list of Acts I Really Really Want To See Live.

Surprise, gentle, synth-y songs from two of my favourite musicians on the same morning? IT'S LIKE THEY KNEW I WAS DREADING TODAY and needed a little help getting through. Really though you guys, I'm waiting for news dropping sometime today that could potentially fuck my life up and I have no control over it whatsoever…

Children are smarter than you think. If you don't think you can sit them down, look at them in the eye, and talk to them, then you're the idiot. Even at two you can talk to them. I remember Oprah giving this tip a very long time ago on her show: "Lower your tone of voice when you reprimend them. Don't raise your…

Yeah, they don't seem "freaky" to me at all. Pretty standard kinky stuff.

"This guy is into some really freaky stuff," Leathers said. "He liked the idea of buying me a strap-on to use on him. He wanted to be forced to wear a French maid outfit and clean my house while I degraded him. He wanted to be tied up and left in a closet to watch me have sex with my boyfriend."

This is one of the most Pittsburgh things I've ever seen someone say. "Why would you want Chinese 'n at when you can have all 'a potatoes you want dahn in Oakland?"

yo, big wangs hurt. Like, I can feel it in my uterus and that is just so wrong. Get out of my no man's land, wang. do. not. want.

i think i know who was involved.

Nice.

This is probably the best description of them I've ever seen. They're Jamming us all.

When I met my husband he was living in the "fifteen roommates to a big house" setup. He told me over the course of cooking a delicious meal for me that he was the only one who did any cleaning (bathroom, kitchen, etc) and was so sick of it, that he couldn't see how grown adults could just merrily live in a pile of…

This is what I hate. "But I can't...I don't know how!" I wasn't born knowing that if the sink is too full to do dishes, you take some of the dishes out of the sink and start washing. You know how if you get new shoes and there's still paper wadded up in the toe? Did someone come over to your house as a grown ass adult…

Extreme pickiness is absolutely a dump-able offense in my book. I've never done it, but I have written potential women off because of how picky they were.

This makes me so sad. That someone in this day and age would willingly look to their SO and say "this food you made for me I will not try". If my SO makes me food, even if it is terrible, it's "Thank you so much for taking care of dinner!"