The best Valentine's Day was when I got mad early instead of late, so I had time to go buy some gold earrings to console myself. Those were nice earrings.

Well... McDonald's does assume its employees are working two jobs...

Planned Parenthood delivered their own response to McMorris Rodgers:

Amazing how such a terrible slut could raise two wonderful, thoughtful daughters while Mom of the Century TM Sarah Palin gave us two spiteful, idiotic twitter trolls Willow and Bristol.

The Comment Section for Every Article Ever Written About Intimate Grooming

It's also difficult for female chefs to get PR representation...depending on the city though.

I have pants on. So there's that.

So *that's* where a third level orgasm comes from...

this is so wrong I don't even know what to do with you

You wouldn't say that any and all sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous?

He had so much charisma.

It was FUNNY. Remember when Eddy was funny?

My dear brother Numpsie!

Ha, I think I was probably 13-14 when I watched Starship Troopers with my mom. There's a co-ed shower scene that was pretty awkward but at the same time, the awkwardness was sort of overridden because BOOBS BOOOOOOBS

I stopped my dad from letting my then very young nephews (I'm talking 3 and 5) see "Starship Troopers." He thought it was like Power Rangers. I was like "umm, Dad..." He thanked me.

Doesn't someones eye pop out an roll around on the field in that move? That is all I remember about it.

I-I-IIIIII WANT THE KNIIIIIIIIIIIFE

My dad made me wait to watch "The Golden Child" with Eddie Murphy until I was 13.