Surely someone’s started a scholarship fund for him, right? I hate us so much right now.

I dunno. I didn’t even feel like Effie was pushing for the “diverse” (god I hate that) pair, she was simply saying like “okay hey feel like I should just remind ya’ll of this slippery slope you’re on...” and immediately everyone got super defensive. Like she wasn’t like fighting for the diverse (cringe, there it is…

Thank you. I came here looking for someone who actually cared to solve the mystery!!!

Here’s my thing. Farting is something that exists and one must not be ashamed of it or anything ridiculous like that. But.... I don’t toot in front of Mr. Hello Hay and he does not toot in front of me. People always act horrified like I’m some weird prude for this but like... it’s not some difficult feat to just *not*…

Wow I never thought I’d say no on one of these. But now... well, here we are.

who invited her though?

I like this girl squad. But this particular member of the team never looks happy to be there.

Yay I’ve been waiting for this all morning!

Is this a joke though? I feel like this is a joke?

I broke a very large, very expensive ceramic vase when I was oh hmmm maybe like 7 years old? I was at a day camp for art (my mama is an artist) and before we visited the museum, the instructor/counselor/shedevil warned all of us not to touch anything. I clearly remember her informing us that most of these pieces cost…

Yeah, this is what I thought. but I’m pretty sure that according to the water cooler chitchat at my work, and the incredibly helpful community of Jezebel, that no, you have to enroll in it. So I have to wait until open enrollment to start having carefree unprotected sex. Total boner killer.

Can’t someone just pay me for being pregnant? Or maybe I skip over the pregnant part and just be a stay-at-home puppy mom?

NO, NOT ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN! Procreation will be very well planned out in the hello hay household.

Yeah I should have said *maternity* not paternity but whateva. Mr. hello hay is on his own.

You are SO helpful. I’m never going to have a baby!!!!!!!!!

Okay so here’s a question for all you experts. What’s the deal with Short Term Disability for paternity leave? I heard some coworkers saying you can’t sign up for it if you’re pregnant. Basically you have to enroll it likle years in advance? What the what? Adulting is hard.

This looks so fun!