TipsForJesus: Tell your friends to yell louder when asked by Pontius Pilot.

#TipsForJesus: Reception in Gethsemane is spotty—messages sent from there might not be received.

Delicious :)

I've made flancrepes before. Flan, wrapped in a crepe with macerated fresh peaches and a caramel drizzle.

The flan part is ok, but the cake ends up moist yet hard. Like a very grainy brownie or something.

My aunt makes an evil flan-cake. Not as in pancakes, but as in flan and cake, in an unholy union, in the same dish.

How the hell did I miss flancakes...also, I love your new username.

You left your monkey pajamas here, btw.

I WAS ONLY IN YOUR HOUSE THAT ONE TIME!

I feel like I want to sit all of the fancy dessert chefs in the world down and remind them that, as a society, we're perfectly good with eating whipped cream from the can.

I wouldn't dress up nicely to see the President or the Queen, because I am ALPHA AS FUCK.

Let he who has not eaten swine cast the first stone. Fucking cannibal.

Oh shit...I had mashed potatoes!

Fuck you Kinja/Denton

This is unfair to your mother because the laws of angles prevent her from rubbing her genitalia in the mashed potatoes. Instead, she must go through the laborious process of scooping out mashed taters into her vag(ina) and then depositing them back in the bowl, introducing the possibility of mashed-taters-transmitted…

I was in the kitchen with my grandpa and all the food was on the tables and counter. Anyway, he put his penis in the mash potatoes and wiggled it all around.

It's really complicated for me. I was born there, spend the 13 first years of my life there, then left, and I still spend all my summers there.

Because Jesus was the original PUA (picking up people TO HEAVEN) and if he actually had a wife and settled down, it would mean he lost his swag. Or something like that.

I can understand that. "Indian style" is problematic. But "criss-cross-applesauce" is so disgustingly twee that it makes me want to set my teeth on fire.