Ok, fine. You can tell the story about how he acquired the skin of a man named Adrian Peterson at the age of 22 and wears it to this day to hide the fact that he is actually a 57 year old Portuguese man.

That would be an oddly specific tell-all

get back to your basement and paint your 40k miniatures.

Harbaugh has released a statement saying the note was a test of Solomon’s ability to recognize sarcasm.

It was then the players learned Butler had dyslexia.

There you have it. If the man in the shorts here is a Brewers fan, he missed his team losing, 6-9.

I hope they’re keeping all of the Deadspin-related verticals. This guy may not be a fan of the Deadspin homepage anymore, but at least he can still come on the Concourse.

Ah, the ol’ seventh-inning stretch.

You shut your mouth. The Lions may be a dumpster fire of an organization but they are as much a part of Detroit as crumbling infrastructure and white flight. I would die before I let anyone move that team even if it meant they would never win a Super Bowl.

.

Clearly he’s never had a double-double with grilled onions.

Pedroso came back to their hotel room and found Oliveira there with another Olympic hard body, canoeist Pedro Goncalves.

Does it top the time Gary Crosby headed the ball out of Man City’s keeper Andy Dibble to score this controversial goal?

What a coward.

...we ended up telling two-dimensional Pat all our deepest secrets.

Irony now...irony tomorrow...irony forever!