YOU SHOULD NEVER EVER DO THIS BECAUSE BACTERIA. BAD THINGS CAN HAPPEN TO YOUR EYES.

More white people? Y’all really don’t understand how and why native Africans sold people to slavers, do you? That is the subject of another college course, which you should audit at a local university. I am not getting involved in this Twitter argument, except to say that as a white person, my racial hemmerhoids have…

Dwayne Johnson. Actual good (and hilarious) guy. And I bet he and his brothers at a LOT. Good job, Mom.

Don’t bring rape into funny stories and I will. Ruiner. Hooked on Phonics worked just fine for me, baby. I need a Vitamin Water to cool down.

I get a discount, which is cool. Probably? Minus 10% tithing. I have spewed two Scentsys (Scentsies?) all over the wall and floor now. I cannot be trusted. I am pretty midgety, so I need to find a really high outlet.

Oh God. This is all we need. McCarthy? Paging J. McCarthy?

Shut up. This isn’t about rape. This is about a funny story where 50 cent probably did not do anything bad. Don’t take that away. This is funny. Rape is never funny. Unless you’re raping a clown. (sorry not sorry)

My (amazing, rockstar) hairstylist’s Mormon sister invented Scentsy. MLMs are big with Mo ladies to make money so they don’t have to leave the home. Utah is an MLM facebook niiiiightmare.

Jenner is GOP. this is a golden turd of an opportunity!

I got a well-framed 10x12 Jesus picture. I was too guilty not to hang it up. Our snowboard friends were confused. My ex-husband just blamed me. Fair.

Trying not to judge you for a registry 1/2 full of cat stuff. I hope someone got you crystal to serve the Fancy Feast.

I was evicted yesterday. Today I received a call from the landlady saying someone had made an anonymous donation to clear the remainder of my debt, and they were making arrangements to get me back in. I am still stunned that such a big battle is being capped by such kindness, and I can go home.

Got to episode 11. Haven’t finished season 2. The spirit hasn’t moved me. Fake Martha might disappoint me, and how could I live then? Piper’s not even interesting anymore. I feel like it’s a parody now. And we don’t really need another parody about women.

I’m 4’11”. There’s no skill to this. No matter if I’m putting up a backpack, a roller case or a big purse, almost the second someone sees me admirably struggling, they stand up and offer help. They do it when we de-plane, too. If I can get it, I say thank you for the offer, but it’s rare if ever that I have to ask for…

I just saw “Raping Granny” and my brain exploded in horror.

No you wouldn’t. Trust me. If you grew up that way from pre-school, you wouldn’t even notice. I was a private school scholarship kid, and I still didn’t begrudge the system. Legacies, endowments, everyone worked hard, but some people went where they liked. And that’s how money works in the real world. When it’s your…

It can always be worse. Did you never watch Looney Tunes?

You don’t know a lot of snowboarders/skaters/climbers/mtn bikers/etc. Oh wait; you said adult. These people are just adultish.

I am advocating violence for personal protection more and more these days. Not guns. Guns are dumb. But women should know how to fight.

So my DC lore is a little weak, but why do Batman and Superman hate each other? Aren’t they in the Justice League together? Does Batman focus on bleeding now?