I never, in my life, have run after a golf ball. So gimme a rock.

Michelson made most of that money through insider training and spotting rich hedge fund assholes 10 strokes for 250,000 per round. Golf isn’t athletics. It’s a skill but it’s not athletic.

Can I get a slo-mo gif of that fat golfer walking for the next time someone tries to argue that golf is an athletic endeavor

The Rodman regime will lead us to a feather-boa-festooned end.

“Shut the fuck up you feckless cunt.”

or perhaps ‘heckless punt”?

Trump just destroyed a nuclear arms agreement with Iran for no reason other than to say it was a “bad deal” while providing zero facts to back that claim up. Trump just reneged on his G-7 agreement after the fact. Why would Kim believe a damn thing this huckster has to say? His word isn’t worth the paper it’s printed…

“Those who say you shouldn’t take advantage of your political power for personal enrichment, should not interrupt those doing it.” - Chinese Proverb

Does it rhyme with ‘schmeckless schmunt’?

Again, why do they act like meeting with Kim is a big accomplishment? The Kim family has wanted to meet with every president since forever. Until President Donny Deals actually does something, this is just a fancy photo op for Kim to show the rest of the world how important and serious he is.

I would have wondered, how many people could find the National Enquirer too liberal? Then 2016 happened and 35 million voted for Trump and I got my answer.

Frankly I miss the Weekly World News. If you’re going to just make shit up you might as well go big.

What made Bourdain so special is that you don’t even need to fucking pick his life apart to figure out his “motives” or what was happening, because he had already laid it all out. He held absolutely nothing back, especially when it came to his demons. That’s why he’ll be so missed. The fact that his loved ones are…

Like Aesop Rock says: They will chop you down just to count your rings.

This x 1,000,000. Some really shitty people bought the magazine recently, and it’s the only thing the same is the name. 

Luckily apparently no journalists work for Newsweek anymore so you’re not contradicting yourself.

Apparently Newsweek wants to become the go-to magazine for people who find The National Enquirer too challenging a read.

I’m not one to advocate shutting down media companies, if only because I want journalists to remain gainfully employed.

SEO.

Reason to not seek fame: as soon as you die, everyone tries to pick apart who you were, question your life’s work and motivations.