hEIL hORTLER

PLEASE TELL ME THAT THEY HAVEN’T TOUCHED THE SECRET MATT DAMON CAMEO 

We just had a couple of Boston billionaires caught pants down in a prostitution sting. My assumption is that they have dedicated lobbyists working 24/7 to make decriminalized sex work a reality. 

Shorter Ramos: It’s a mistake not to join the US’ ‘regime change adventure’ du jour because this time it’ll be different.

Mr. Ramos, no pearl clutching on Cuba this time around? What gives?

My brain temporarily processed the headline as “Tim Meadows immediately throws shift to derail Cohen hearing”. It was definitely strange

MORE LIKE FREEDUMB CAUCUS AMIRITE

Won’t someone think of Google shareholders’ ROI?

What is the role of US sanctions in the deterioration of the Venezuelan economy? I feel that this is being ignored in the overall discussion.

If that’s the case why is black “recyclable” plastic still a thing? Is there a reason why it’s not being phased out?

I rewatched (some) of the 1st Gremlins the other day and was amazed at how well the intricate animatronics (which reportedly consumed a large part of the budget) have aged. It’s truly impressive.

Paging Tom Cruise...

Can’t tell if mouth or butthole. Please clarify.

Memo to future robbery victims: Don’t try to be a hero unless your life is in danger. Do what you’re told, avoid eye contact, move on with your life.

One of the first things that caught my attention when I first moved to the US was how cheap (compared to other countries) it was to eat out. 

Lima Group

This is sad, ridiculous, and hilarious in so many levels. Someone please tell Guaido you have to participate in elections to be able to hold public office. You can’t simply declare yourself president of a country during a mass protest because Uncle Sam, acting through the tiny hands of Orange Hitler himself, says so.…

That’s a pretty solid point!

JCN takes the cake for the cheesiest, dumbest name ever. What a bunch of morons

I have a very low bar for movies (I love Your Highness, for instance), and I normally enjoy the stereotypical Hollywood blockbuster with too much CGI, but Kingsman was just atrocious - on all fronts.