Throw Mamba from the Train

Bryant was quoted as saying "Actually, I'm feeling much better and might be back next week." In unrelated news, the Staples Center was fumigated for scarabs, and Robert Sacre was found dead in the parking lot with his eyes and tongue ripped out.

A friend of mine went to UGA, and claims Matt Stafford spilled an entire pitcher of beer on her at a party. He apparently tried to calm her down by explaining "Hey, hey, it's okay. I'm Matt Stafford." Then he walked away.

Now Deadspin has a funny guy who tries to talk punting and a punting guy who tries to talk funny.

This story involves a shit I actually witnessed, versus one I took.

One would assume there would be some sort of eligibility rule preventing a team from running a random old man onto the court in an actual game

According to Lowery, Foscaldo snapped, "That isn't my f——-' job, you piece of s—-," when asked to keep the footballs warm after Jets kickoff specialist Don Silvestri complained the one he used to start the second half was "rock hard."

Colts punt returner Josh Cribbs became skeptical when he noticed that the ball that bounced off his facemask against the Patriots didn't hurt as much as the one that bounced off his facemask against the Broncos the previous week.

No wonder it was overlooked, Roger Goodell got a memo that read Moisten Needle and Insert and he promptly ignored it assuming it was another angry note from his wife.

I saw Olivia Munn on the tee-vee last night and it became obvious to me that God loves Aaron Rodgers.

I would have guessed the only balls deflated after the AFC Championship would have been Gronks.

The correct answer is all of them tied, except Shawn Michaels.

Ah man, still too soon.

The answer is always scott hall

Yes, if only to say I had.

Max Scherzer's Agent: [tosses out somewhat misleading contract figures]

A team source backed him up

He's obviously not fat. Anybody with two i's can see that.

My god, wait until Fox News and Rush see this, the outrage will be off the charts. "Tom Brady Spotted High-Fiving A Towel Head."

OMG, I so hope that you're talking about the same dude. I've really enjoyed the posts tonight where some folks say, "I think I know that person ..." I really want one of them to be true!