"I am far too sophisticated to play your silly, what do you call them, ah yes, vid-heo gaming devices. I prefer to spend my hard earned free time engaging in brain-enhancing activities, such as going on websites and commenting about how I don't partake in your silly little life wasting child's play."

After reaching first base, Pujols fired an imaginary arrow at Hamilton, which struck him in the chest and put him on the 60 day DL

This sort of thing goes way back. Ty Cobb, in particular, was known for mocking opposing players. Especially the Jews.

Braun's the cheater? Jobu used goddamn voodoo to enhance his performance.

No. Looks like 4.

Ultimately, Aiken Nixed both deals

If this lackluster Excelmanship is any indication, this is a man who lacks passion.

Sanders promised to tackle the issues head on, but I think we know how that will turn out.

I took him to a bar

Parents Night is dreadful. Last year I was singled out by a teacher in a room full of judgmental parents because my 3rd grader, for the "art show", drew a picture of a chicken giving a horse a hand-job. Seriously. I have the photo prove it if you provide me with an e-mail to send it. When I got home, I feared…

Was I the only person that saw Ash immediately? Also, I really should get back to work.

Dude... you just wait for the clamping-onto-your-neck animation and it's back-back-high punch... it couldn't be simpler

Fucking counters! I always mess those up in fighting video games. I cant imagine how good I would be with a MOUNTAIN LION CLAMPED TO MY NECK!!!

Wolf... shove your fist down its throat so the animal can't breathe... yikes. Maybe I can choke it with my foot or leg.

In The Untouchables, Sean Connery's character famously said, "He pulls out a knife, you pull out a gun. That's the Chicago way." By that math, 82 people pulled out knives over the July 4th weekend.

They say journalistic integrity is dead in America these days. If that's the case, then journalistic integrity must have visited Chicago over the July 4th Weekend.

Puig would have been hit in the chest if he tried that...

Germans tend to be, well, Grammar Something-somethings.

[Nationals GM Mike] Rizzo called [Luhnow] to inquire on Harrell. JL told him we would still need a headliner like Giolito because we still value Harrell highly. Rizzo did not respond immediately.

If you were interested in being fair, you'd have included the clarification Kelly gave when they came back from commercial—that he was simply impressed by her breasts, and that he planned to masturbate once the segment was over. A perfectly innocent explanation.