Shoot dogs that were no longer useful? No. No, what the fuck. All the no. Miles of no and wrong and NO.

Waiting at the airport for a flight. There’s a line of about 10 people at the counter that were delayed from an earlier flight. Some dude pushes past the line and screams at the desk agent that, “(He) has to be on this flight! And it has to be first class!” Agent tells him that she can help him but he need to wait in…

I’M WET

Fuck it, I’ve had a huge bottle of cider, let’s talk about how a five-year-old lit me on fire.

This is really true. The working class drive Hondas, the middle class drive Lexus, the rich drive Maseratis and the super rich drive Hondas.

If thinking this is a horrible idea makes me an ageist hater, point me to the club meeting.

So if I think this is highly unethical, I’m an “ageist hater”? So be it

Rep. Rob Taylor (R) attended, but turned his back during the blessing. This, he believes, is what Jesus would have done. “Jesus would be in the chamber, from my perspective. He would passively protest,” he told reporters.

Pictured: Barack HUSSEIN Obama uses his Muslim powers to give entire islands The Gay to keep them from telling the truth about #BENGHAZI.

I feel like your story encapsulates the experience of being a kid quite well:

OK, SO. This is only vaguely related because of the make up thing. In the 6th grade there was this total monster girl who was always fucking with me in PE. And I was like urgh what the hell is your problem? I thought the solution was to try and like, befriend her. So one day, we’re sitting down on our numbers in PE…

1. reverse racism is not a thing, both in a semantic sense and a JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, HAVING ORGANIZATIONS FOR PEOPLE OF COLOR IS NOT RACIST, YOU IDIOTS sense
   

To a certain type of guy, “chill” is the opposite of “crazy,” where “crazy” = “feelings and demands I don’t want you to have because they require me to contemplate you as a person with your own thoughts and desires.”

Right, I’m like, “in what world can you causally date SIX people and have the nerve to complain about NONE of them breaking out of that “chill” zone?” Unless they are all idiots, I’m sure they realize the person isn’t just chilling with them, which makes the complainer’s wishes to get serious much easier to tune out.

I talked to my dreadlocked, Marley listening, weed blazing libertarian neighbor the other day who’s really into Rand Paul. I am happy to report that I convinced him about the futility of voting, and showed that Russell Brand video to him about how voting is a waste of time, and so, my gift to the US, Libertarian…

Beet juice?

I was a well dressed physics major once in my liberal arts college days. I don’t have much to add, just you do you. Now I’m making mad money in Austin as a well dressed engineer at a company with no dress code.

"But if you can find a girl who you can go to an EDM concert with, have a conversation with, who will sit on the couch and watch you play GTA for three hours—and then you go to bed and have amazing sex? That should be your girlfriend."