No, fuck you.

Oh yeah! Wow how did I miss that. 

I too enjoy a nice handful of lunchmeat- roast beef or pastrami- right out of the package, with a hunk of (non-single-serve-non-American) cheese if I’m feeling classy. I’m usually far too lazy or short on time to make a good sandwich, and I will end up throwing out a bad one. I do think salami and pepperoni make a…

My guess is make four sandwiches. 

About damn time, America. 

A choir friend in HS told me her uncle thought for years the Christmas carol went "In the meadow we can build a snowman, and pretend that he is parched and brown." 

Cole slaw (heavy on the vinegar) with green olives and buttered toast is an excellent breakfast.

Take a star, you gorgeous bastard.

Biscuits and gravy is the best hangover food I've come across. Fat, bread, dairy. And it's super mild if it comes back up.

Alas, the entirety of Montana. We have no slurpees. /sad face

How would you know? 

Omg that was priceless. 

I don't really understand why getting out of bed is such a motivator for people. I mean, I can respect not wanting to get up again,  particularly when you're bundled in perfectly.  But the cost, complexity, and possible privacy invasion issues of things like Alexa and smart[insert tech word] override my desire to keep…

I never knew that I would like learning this much about beer, but I do. I have extremely low beer standards,  but it's nice to know that if I want to be a little more discerning I know where to start.

I dated a guy in my twenties who, in his fifties, will look exactly like Rodney Dangerfield.