What is this? Bachelor: Pensioners Getting Frisky? 

You want another reason to loathe Moonfall?

Why would anyone trust what TikTwats have to say on any subject?  Oh, that’s right - you’re talking about the half-wits who do Tide pod and cinnamon challenges.  Take that advice, you arseholes.  We need to cull the useless population.

To Lobbo Hobbo - darling, I don’t care if you think it’s “cringe”, just shut up and make my burger or get back to working that street corner for a quick buck, you pathetic troll.  

Ah, Zachary Levi. The Wish.com version of John Krasinski.

TBH - the pub thing in the UK has been a long-festering wound. Pub closures aren’t exactly new but Covid - and that old whore, Brexit - have speeded up the decline. And to be brutal, a lot of pubs deserve to fuck off and shit themselves to death (Wetherspoons, I’m looking at you). It’s increasingly rare to find pubs…

My dear, darling prolapsed bottom of a fading Millennial - you might consider MacFarlane annoying but for the rest of us he’s doing a damned lot more than in this world than you ever would.  Now, shut up and make my burger.

If they want to speed up the process, cut off the Basics from their “customised drinks”. Reduce the choices to four types of hot drink, two types of cold drink and tell the yoga-pant-wearing slobs to fuck off elsewhere for a “personalised beverage”. And then Starfucks can get on down with that most curious of…

Uh huh.

I swear this was the plotline of one of those godawful gay romance “novels” on Amazon that my boyfriend bought a few years ago. It was dreadful - one of those shitty books written by hetero women for other hetero women.

She’ll be a Courtney or a Madison or a Sophia or Maria or something bland, blase and utterly, utterly beige.  Someone you wouldn’t miss if you ran her over (repeatedly) with a lawnmower.

PLOT TWIST!

Tabloid journalist?  What, are they going to set a film in the busy, thriving offices of an online blog, following a rapidly-ageing millennial with sad hair?  Thrill!

Reminds me of that time my sister and I were watching AHS: Coven (still the best season of AHS. Fight me.) and my sister, staring at the screen, drawled “I don’t like her.  She plays a bitch just a bit too convincingly.”

Well, it won’t be Lamb to the Slaughter, that’s for damned sure.  Not “quirky” enough for his schtick.

Followed swiftly by someone ramming a dirty mop through the slot and into her gob? No? Please?

*laughs at the little Imperial American and her “tastes”*

“That’s a fine goal, but some dishes just don’t lend themselves to being produced on a mass scale, and fish and chips appear to be one of them.”

Eh, it probably gave one of the hacks “the ick”.  

Well, the police officer is the one I’d tie to a pole facing the blast, so he’s obviously not getting in.  Ditto the bickering divorcees - we’re going to be living peak drama and we don’t need more tales of Kady and Kaden’s marital fuckwittery.  I don’t do paedophilia, so the priest’s going to meet Satan that little…