“isn’t it so annoying when all the colonies are free???”

Oh, go chew on a Tide pod. Better still - go eat a salad. The actual introduction of proper food’ll probably shock your overly-American arteries into a full-on cardiac arrest, culminating in a very expensive trek to the nearest hospital that’ll take your poverty-ridden hole.

*sighs in GenX*

Yup. But we’re dealing with rapidly-ageing Millennials who have spread their legs and gushed their seed forth and lo, their hellish womb-spawn is loose to fester in the world. And nothing is more entitled than a Millennial.  So I say we pop all the brats in straight-jackets, fetch a dog crate and feed them chicken…

Let us all titter politely.  And then laugh like drains!

In the inevitable Yank remake, she’ll be played by that equally-dull vacuum with nipples:  Aubrey Plaza! (And watch the wee slappers at this site wank themselves silly praising La Plaza!)

Probably that he’s happy playing both gay and straight characters.  That he doesn’t play into the whole camp charade that seems to be the USA Gay Default.

Because it doesn’t play into Whiny Bottom Rich’s thought-piece for the twatterati. Sloppy Seconds there wanted to write a whinge piece for the White Gurls at Jezebel and filtered out films and television programmes that clearly didn’t fit his whiny opinions.

No, this is white-girl shade.  Or as the rest of us call it “cloudy with a mild chance of ineptitude”.

And when are you tubby pricks going to apologise for calling Scotland “England” or Scottish people “English” for all these years, hmm?   Get your own shit together.  Pathetic.

It wasn’t a casserole in a pie crust, ergo it was an actual pizza.

Yeah, fuck those Frenchies and the way practically every other nation says it, amirite!  MURKA!  Let’s go shoot shit up!

Cats can be found at whisky distilleries here in Scotland. They’re good at dealing with the vermin - both the four-legged and two-legged varieties - and are probably three-sheets-to-the-wind most of the time anyhow. But shall I tell you what is possibly the greatest distillery animal?

I watched From Russia with Love a few months ago and it surprised me - genuinely and honestly surprised me - as to how different it felt from other Bond films.

I don’t like doing scary stories at Halloween. My family likes to think of it along the lines of a point in the year when you light up the world you live in, by making tasty treats and drinking good booze and generally raising havoc - and if that means tormenting the evil bastards down the road then so fucking be it.

Your mum’s doing the right thing: don’t let the fucker think it’s winning. You keep bitchslapping it every time it thinks it’s got the better of you and then you have a large bar of chocolate to celebrate. We’ll get there in the end - the fun thing about covid is that the methodologies they used to create some of the…

As one person with MS to another:  it must be bunnies. Bunnies are evil. Twitchy little noses and the harbingers of doom. That said though - the good thing about MS is that the research into this fucking shitty disease (seriously, it’s shit having MS) is constantly evolving. It doesn’t say which type of MS she has,…

I thought she shat in someone’s wig?

Oh dear. You list the three big commercial hits from Debut but miss off one of the best - and in my opinion, openly hostile and coldly furious - performances? It pops up twice in Bjork’s back catalogue (three, if you count her greatest hits album) - the seriously fucking extraordinary Play Dead.

You are fucking joking me.  Do we have a MAGAmicrodick actually taking the time each week to tell us how much a show sucks?  Oh, this I have to see.