Why do we separate the wet from the dry ingredients?  Because they can’t be trusted to behave round each other.  Especially eggs.  Eggs are sneaky.

That’s okay.  I’m sure your mother was still the best kisser you’ve ever had, my little strumpet.

My adorable Catholic school had both - blue for boys and pink for girls. My best friend and I used to nick both to make an unholy purple mess just for shits and giggles. And yes, they were teaching high schoolers about how to brush your teeth in 90s Scotland.

Plaque disclosing tablets. Get scrubbing, June!

Wee man, take a seat and stay quiet.  

So, what happened to Julia Fox to make her a joyless fuckwit?

Yeah, I distinctly remember reading something about how much she loves anime.  I mean, yeek on the Sailor Moon cosplay (look, I cannot get behind a show where the heroes take five minutes of animation to do a sparkly glow-up in which time the baddie-du-jour could have simply gone ahead and trashed everything!) but to…

You know who would be a classy choice for Spears to duet with - especially if she wanted to change direction, musically? I’m probably only thinking of her because I’m listening to her right now: Roisin Murphy. If you don’t know who Murphy is, she was formerly part of the duo Moloko who had some pretty special songs…

Now, you need to think in Doublewide here: Americans won’t go for any of those (fucking delicious) options because they were designed to cater to brown folk. Murkans want chicken. They want to chow down on a sloppy burger ejaculating ranch and shitty mayo whilst they destroy the planet and invade countries, goddamnit.…

You idiots need Gregg’s. Especially - especially - the Steak Bake and the Chicken Bake.  It’ll sink your crappy chook burgers like your dreams of home ownership (and we can even buy them frozen from Iceland to cook later!  No, not the wee island near Greenland but the supermarket.  Do keep up...)

Fuck off and drink some hooker piss, lowlife.

That poor kid. He must have been fucking terrified being restrained like that. I hope his mother’s right and that he can find a way to hopefully put that behind him.

If your shit - your bike, your children, your husband/wife, your parents - is in my way, rest assured it will be moved.  No fucker has the right to block access.  

and sits just south of Savannah where Affleck’s ancestors once owned a host of slaves.

Oh, but Wilson’s “devastated”! She’s over there in the corner weeping into her be-clutched Primark faux-pearls hoping that we’ll take sympathy on her.  

“Full disclosure: I do not find anything about food to be sexy.”

Wonder if that hooker piss is chilled or room temperature...

“Healing”, is it?  Go fuck yourself with a rattlesnake.  

You don’t expect the twat who wrote this dreck to actually proof-read do you?

Come now, you can’t expect the Yanks to know who that is. If you’re American (our sympathies) and wondering who that is, that’s Michael Gove. At one point he was touted - horrifically so - to be the next Prime Minister after David “Pig-Fucker” Cameron imploded and Theresa “I, Robot-Dancer” May quit rather than see…