You get married to have babies to provide the Lord with more foot soldiers in the holy war against Satan. And the homosexuals. And yoga pants. And the colour purple, because it’s too flashy and way too pleased with itself.

Wow. Just... wow.

Toilet bench in the bedroom for the ‘Prisoner of Love’ theme: Hildi.

My husband, son and MIL treat expiration dates like they are the word of God handed down from Heaven itself, and the product in question will self-destruct on that very date. It’s a little frustrating. I’ve lost a lot of good food that way.

This isn’t me; it’s my husband and son: toasted bread, canned tuna, Caeser salad dressing (not mixed in with the tuna, just poured on top) bacon bits and tomato.

You can ask them to do it and they will! Stops the toppings from falling out the sides.

I get what you’re saying. I put back the pre-mixed Cajun blend I found the other day (at Canadian Tire of all places) because I read the label and realized I had all the individual spices, except white pepper, at home, and I thought, “Well, that’s dumb, Deb. Do it yourself.” And I make my own curry blend, because my…

A friend of mine got me these herb scissors and I love them more than most people I know. Yes, I could just chop my herbs, chives, lemongrass, green onions and what have you like a chump, but these, these, oh they are wonderful at giving quick, easy, consistently sized cuts of whatever I need, directly into the bowl…

It’s two bucks. Treat yo’self.

My husband’s not that size, but he’s larger than average. It comes in handy, even though he doesn’t have an ounce of confrontation in him, bless his sweet heart.

Yeah, if I’m not expecting someone, I don’t answer the door. Even if you’re not a serial killer, I’m not gonna buy what you’re selling anyway, so go away. I tell my husband, “Just because someone knocks on a door, doesn’t mean you have to open it.”

Jesus Christ. I’d never live anywhere with windows ever again.

I saw a video recipe for Deep-Fried Stuffing Balls around the holidays and I thought, “That sounds cool. Let’s give it a go.” The first thing the host said was, “Take some leftover stuffing...” Aaaaaand I shut the video off. Leftover stuffing. Ask me to find some unicorn milk in my fridge while you’re at it.

The sandwich is what makes it art

The Brothers Green have some great videos on different cuisines, including two just on ‘Chinese take-out’ (not the same as regional Chinese dishes). I spent 30 minutes just watching the Beginner’s Guide to Vietnamese Food and subsequently checking Expedia.ca for flights back to Hanoi.

Those olives are goddamn genius. Being Canadian, I have never set foot in a Trader Joe’s (I know) and had no earthly idea such a thing existed. Now, of course, I want them. All of them. Do they come in other varieties?

Marnie: “I know you have news, but I have something to say, and it might top your news (Tells news) I’m sorry if that topped your news.” smug smile

Hannah’s so fucking self-absorbed and tone-deaf to the rest of the world that she could only be be 72 hours pregnant and she would still be telling absolutely everyone she knows. The only thing better for Hannah than, “Look at me! I’m pregnant; let’s talk about meeeeeeee!” Would be, “Oh, God. Now I’m not pregnant! I…

Edward James Olmos... Edward James Olmos. He is a fucking gift to us all. There’s a scene in one of the later seasons of Battlestar Galactica, after everything has gone to shit, and Olmos, as Admiral Adama, says to an empty room, “Everything’s going to be all right...” and I swear I broke into tears. I want Olmos to…

I apologize :)