Ivanka got all the height in the family.

As a Canadian living on the Alberta prairie who wore her jeans, flannel shirt and barn boots to lunch, in town, today (as one does), I can tell you, those do not look, ‘lived in.’ Those look like, ‘Townie Comes To the Rodeo and Picks a Fight with Bullrider,’ clothes.

The world would be a much better place if I were allowed to slap more people up the back of the head.

Next to a little house on the prairie, aye.

Do you have a plethora of ponies?! A pony plethora? I’ll take one of those, too, please ❤️

I thought we were talking about what we wanted. I want cheese.

You heard me

I want cheese.

God, I hate that quote. Yeah, well, the screaming toddler having a meltdown in Starbucks wants what he wants, too, but he’s not getting my frappucino and brownie. Shut him the fuck up or get out. Stop using that phrase to defend shitty relationship choices. The heart wants what it wants. Fuck the heart. Tell it, “No.”

Oh my God, I just want to hug you.

Cancer!

THANK-YOU.

This isn’t getting the love it deserves, you sly fox, you.

It was in that moment that I realized I did have a Higher Power, and lo, Her name is Remini.

I am honestly worried about her safety. Whilst I am in love with her scorched earth policy on outing these assholes, they are crazy are not to be fucked with. I’m not so much concerned about any Miscaviage endorsed malfeasance so much as someone on their lunatic fringe deciding to take matters into their own hands and…

Nobody in my entire life has ever been that happy to see me. Except maybe my dogs, but they’re that excited to see their squeaky balls and dead fish.

And immediately, his tip was slashed in half.

Guy: When we left the church, our neighbour had to disconnect from all of us, me, my wife, the kids. But not the dog. She still wanted to see the dog. She said she didn’t think the dog “would understand” why she didn’t want to see him anymore.

That is honestly the saddest thing I’ve heard today.

I think it’s thoroughly fantastic.