THAT EULOGY WAS THE GREATEST THING EVER.

I truly hope this is the beginning of the “I Don’t Even Give A Fuck Anymore Tour” from the Obama family because, seriously, they deserve it.

the flip flops are the least of the problems here. The satin leisure suits and crushed velvet lounge pants are for more worrisome.

your cat sounds fucking incredible tbh

I was in a Starbucks yesterday and a gaggle of teenage girls, (I feel like gaggle isn’t right for teenage girls. A flock? A murder? A murder.) a murder of teenage girls came in behind me. As I finished my order, the barista (who was a treasure of a human being and recommended a kick-ass fruit sauce for baked brie)…

My cat, who once opened a microwave oven while the popcorn was popping, has more self-control than the caramel lady.

My cat, who once destroyed a floor-to-ceiling lamp with her butt, has more self-control than the caramel lady.

My cat, who once fell off a bookshelf at 3 AM only to land butt-first on my face (catass…

No, he won’t wonder. They won’t want anything to do with him because they are ungrateful assholes whose minds have been poisoned by their bitch mothers. (In his mind, of course.)

He was so cute in The Big Hit too. Just adorably dumb, but fuckable. Pity.

I was in a Pride Parade this weekend. I got a sunburn, a giant ass staple in my foot and, due to my placement in the parade, was forced a good hour to watch a bunch of Bronies getting down in their Brony costumes.

I love Channing Tatum because he slakes my lust for a “down ass white boy” in way I will never have again with the problematic Mark Wahlberg.

Literally nothing about this story is not off-the-charts weird.

I find it very... weird how eager her parents are to do interviews and stuff

Brody posted the image as a joke because he thought the “Licking 4 my keys” caption was funny .

Molly Simms claims her daughter has only cried six times. Is that normal? [People]

Joke’s on him: I shit in the batter.

It's my wedding anniversary. We ate Chinese & watched Gilmore Girls on Netflix. Yeezy WISHES he had this kind of sexy.

I think “kind of” is polite.

I really love that everyone’s favorite new flinty-eyed beefy hero is kind of a doofus. <3

Miley Cyrus...naked...with a pig.