The all-caps are a nice touch from Iceland’s very own Drew Magarysson

Don't worry. Goodell has already suspended the account.

I’d criticize school staff for not seeing through the ruse, but in all fairness, nobody’s ever met a 30-year-old from South Sudan.

It has nothing to do with the interference call. Look at that girl’s reaction. I know a sidepiece when I see one.

They’re going to make him go to Baltimore for making a joke about the Ravens? Seems harsh.

I'm guessing if they can't find him he was probably an eligible lineman.

Being able to freely call someone a garbage piece of shit is 90% of what gets me to work in the morning.

his 14-year-old son, Drake

Can’t wait for the clusterfuck to come when the Oilers win the right to pick first in the expansion draft.

The father said she was so disturbed about the secret footage that she vomited before agreeing to an FBI request that she watch the nude videos so agents could find clues about who took it.

I don’t know if any fast food item will ever unseat Wendy’s spicy chicken nugets in my book. I could eat all of them.

The Taco Bell menu is turning into a West Virginian family tree.

Guess being embraced in a new area is Nassau easy as they thought

Man, must be something in the water.

Hey! Why are you focusing on Peyton? Don’t you remember that Cam was a bad sport and left the interview early! It was Cam! Focus on Cam!

Good fucking lord, dude. Mac isn’t exactly the second coming of Christ.

You know, they called Darko Milicic a “unicorn,” too, but only because his skills were a myth.

Most surprising part of the headline.

I feel like this story is missing some key information. If the dad promised them a puppy, and Ryan scored, how did they end up with a Polish guy?