On the upside.... all that steak and sugar must have him on the stroke fast track by this point, right?

I know this point is tiring and obvious and made all the time but... can you imagine if Obama had refused to get a dog at the White House? Can you IMAGINE if Obama had insisted on special meals? If Obama had set it up so he gets two scoops of YARGH ICAN’T DO THIS ANYAFKHGAV<>AF<>AFAFAFFAA<FMAF 

mine was like that. Then she decided she wanted to try prime rib.

This is fucking brilliant, and it was made even better by the fact that I am 43 years old and my mother read it to me over the phone like it was a bedtime story: http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/low_concept/2017/05/my_first_big_boy_trip_by_donald_j_trump.html

I worked at a tanning salon in my teens. I am remiss that I’m about to tell you that Donny has put in some hard work in his life...but to get to that shade? You have to put some serious effort into it. Like spending the max time in the level 6 high pressure beds every day and then follow it up with a mystic tan two or…

He has a penis and a cult of personality. He’s also a race baiting con man. Take your pick.

Oh that’s already out there. There are Democrats saying the bar is so low that if this trip is just free of utterly humiliating mistakes it would be considered a win. They’re primed but I’m pretty sure it won’t be “turning point” but “manages to put scandal behind him” which will be undercut by the next lovingly…

Aw. I was so looking forward to seeing him try to eat a rice dish with his tiny little fingers. You just know he’d mess up and use his left hand and horrify everyone.

Trump is more like a shared joke than a shared threat, but laughter is the best medicine. Unless you are Trump. Then it’s a fistful of blue pills and his daughter’s high-school pictures.

Seth Meyers (I think) joked that Trump took the “under” bet on him getting impeached, and is now actively trying to throw the game. I am starting to think he might be right.

All that ketchup, steak, pizza, KFC and double scoops of ice cream contain loads of salt and fat. And I’ll bet he never eats a fresh vegetable or piece of fruit or drinks anywhere near enough water. That means 1) He’s a ticking time bomb for a stroke 2) He’s literally full of shit. Which might explain his extremely…

The media is soooo thirsty for a chance to get to push the “Trump Finally Becomes Presidential” narrative. Every time he makes it through a day without tripping over his own feet or casually committing an impeachable offense they start up with that again. Mark my words, if he makes it through this without making a…

Apparently, Stephen Miller (aka the sleazebucket behind the Muslim ban that according to DT totally isn’t a Muslim ban, despite him calling it a ban) is the one who wrote Trump’s speech on Islam.

The thought of Donald in bed for any reason is completely disgusting.

Just even right now in about a fifteen minute span- Trump admitting obstruction of justice (again) to Russian diplomats (spys), Comey testifying in front of the Senate, and there being another one in the White House (Jared) who’s being under investigation- is worth several days worth of tweets. He’s either going to…

That would require familiarity with cultural norms other than his own, so probably not that one...

He also hates dogs. He is the first president in 150 years to not have a pet while in office. He’s un-American.

10 bucks says he makes a “got any bacon?” joke.

Hilariously I and my Jewish grandma were chatting about how maybe the only way the Israeli-Palestinian conflict will end is if they get a common enemy and work together to beat the shit out of it. Like France and England used to do.

Is there a complete, daily updated chart of all of the investigations (criminal and otherwise) that 45 is undergoing?