That’s when you look at them with a blank expression and say “no, I’m just here to look after my kid.”

That is a standard issue American cockroach, what they like to call a Palmetto bug down southaways. Did you know those motherfuckers can *fly*?

We’re even past that, if you believe the Deep Adaptation guy. 

I was very literal kid, and this cartoon absolutely grossed me out. I figured there was a human brain run through with wires floating around somewhere under that trenchcoat. 30 minutes of body horror sandwiched between Wheeled Warriors and Thundercats.  So 90 minutes of body horror.

If Sam Darnold’s mono is the new “Gronk is a frathouse incarnate,” I can live with that.

“We allow only the best aliens! Only the smoothest, shiniest greys are good enough. If we get some tentacled loser from Beta Reticuli, saying ‘Mr. Trump, please let me stay and anally probe some hardworking Americans,’ we send it right back to its shithole planet. That’s right”

Kind of tells you everything you need to know about how scandalous or world-changing those secrets are. If the US gov’t really did capture some aliens or whatever the fuck, that soup-brained moron would’ve said something about it by now.

I do that at the shocking twist reveal of *every* movie, and no one has ever thanked me for it.  No, I’m not mad, just disappointed.

Ah, man, I was trying to avoid the fat jokes. I always assumed that he just really, really likes weed, which would explain post-90’s Matthew Sweet.

I was gonna get all shitty in the comments by arguing that there was no such thing as an underrated 90s band. Every swinging dick with a Fender Jaguar and a bad haircut was signed, released one or more forgettable albums, and was dropped. But you called it. Matthew Sweet. Girlfriend to 100% Fun was unimpeachable, and…

Oh, yeah, they were cooked; Ringo left at one point, and George was ready to quit too. It was inevitable, and had zero to do with Ono. I’m just saying, if I was Ono, I would’ve gone in on the first day, read the fucking room, and decide to maybe harness my (sincerely) tremendous creativity to do anything else with my…

I think this is the third podcast I’ve seen in the last few months that tackled this timely and critical issue. Maybe Ono’s PR team was looking for something to do?

It sounds like a great way to get C. Diff, which would be a, uh, disincentive to continue that behavior.

Long ago, when Bill Simmons just wrote columns, I couldn’t wait until they dropped; I’d refresh espn all morning. I was addicted. Then he started his podcast, and it was fun enough. I wouldn’t be excited about them, but I’d choose them over most others. Now, I’ve only gotten 20 minutes into the Rewatchables 1999 (Eyes…

“I can’t worry about your stitch. I’ve got to take care of my stitch. … we can be weak and have a little bit of a tear over here because there was an issue, but the rest of the flag can stay strong” is definitely one the cleaner distillations of GOP policy that I’ve seen.

How do I get Terry Reardon to write me a complaint letter every day? Something about his writing style is delightful. He does not even go to church!

Kelly, Erin, and Pam = whatever political party their parents are in. They’ve put zero thought into it and definitely don’t want to question it. I could see Pam being anti-vax, but no way she’s Q. She already has a paramilitaristic goon in Dwight sitting in front of her all day.

Toby is way too kind-hearted and…

I was gonna make a Threat Level Midnight joke, but now I’m too bummed out.

I wonder if Colgate Total, which has triclosan in it, would have the same effect.

My boring (ha!) guess: the contractors handling the subterranean challenge just realized that it will take 6 months of red tape, minimum, to nail down the venue, and then counted backwards from February 2020.