DAMN, DANIEL!

She went from thirsty boyfriend to thirstier boyfriend. But then the previous thirsty boyfriend tried to out-thirst current thirsty boyfriend.

“But Tebow’s going to win the Super Bowl with The Cowboys once Trump becomes President”

He did, but ultimately his request to trademark the crucifix was denied.

Black boxes? Cover up? Where is Malaysian Airlines Flight 370?! JET FUEL DOESN’T MELT STEEL BEAMS!

Nike is currently developing a Tebow shoe that helps its wearers leave footprints in the sand.

But a certain faction of your uncle’s Facebook friends will swear he isn’t on an MLB roster RIGHT THIS MINUTE because of the war on Christianity.

How many times do they have to tell you they don’t start serving lunch until 10:15? Your fault at this point imo

Bloom: “Hey, Miranda. Just a head’s up. The most embarrassing photos you can imagine of me are going to be coming out. You’ve been warned”

Tyga, on-again/off-again career boyfriend of Kylie Jenner, had his Ferrari repossessed on Tuesday.

god, calvin. i’m embarrassed for you.

Mutt-iny on the Bounty

Anthony Weiner is the proof that the Clintons aren’t nearly as diabolical as some conspiracy theorists suggest, because if they were, he’d have been found dead in a park somewhere by now.

Isn’t he essentially what Dr. Phil is to psychology and Dr. Oz is to GP?

Listen, I know I peeled the skin off this random guys face, but it’s not because I’m on bath salts. It’s just because I forgot to take my Zrytec two days in a row and I thought it might help this incessant itching. It happens.

Seasonal allergies can’t melt steel beams.

Seasonal allergies were created by the government in the 60s to attack hippies, the so-called ‘flower children’

listen, let’s not let the wacko conspiracy theories overshadow Hillary’s actual health problems. i have extensive experience in this area and there is literally no issue more debilitating than seasonal allergies. what if her hands are covered in mucus and she hits the “bomb the earth” button by accident? what if she’s…