Don’t shit where you eat. Please. Your work spouse is about half as attractive as you think they are once the mystery/secrecy/danger is gone. Everyone is their better, more attractive self in a professional environment. The excruciating awkwardness of showing up for work the next morning and feeling like everyone…

He will undergo testing as fears mount that he is showing signs of early onset MLS.

Jesus Christ, you buffoon.

That’s not being faithful. That’s being insulting to women.

Pretty sure Trump’s only goal in draining the swamp was to provide a more comfortable habitat for Steve Bannon to live in. With all the mud and slime and filth, Steve now sleeps like a baby.

Tonight - Canadiens @ Red Wings

Canthurtazone

He’s bacne!

This is why we have Trump.

Yes, you are correct, I am tired and misspoke. Chef’s knife all the way! though I would love to quarter a whole chicken!

My wife consistently uses all of the wrong knives for all of the wrong uses. She is a monster. Really, using a boning knife for chopping celery?

You’ve convinced me. Bread knives are the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Santoku is way too low. Better than a chef’s knife, if you ask me.

Do it. Google Asian dongs vs American dongs. Tell me what you find.

Refrigerated peanut butter is easily a sign of serious mental health issues. I think it even has it’s own DSM-V designation.

1. They are muppets. But they aren’t Muppets.

Given all the hunger and suffering in today’s world, this is nothing short of terroirism.

That goal call brought to you by these two babies:

Heh, it’s so optimistic to think that there’ll be jobs left for our kids. Me, I’m preparing my kids for Thunderdome. Their practice with spears and spikes welded onto a dune buggy will definitely edge out anyone with a bachelors of arts degree in 2030.