He exudes the personality of a piece of shit. I’m so sorry for your friends.

Fair enough. They are a reminder that there’s still so much beauty in the world, despite Hollywood

I bought the Scream soundtrack when I was 10 and I still listen to it. The song right before Stu’s party, Youth of America, makes me feel so 90's and pumped up like I just chugged 10 Surges in a row

Fox News is moronic, but thanks for reminding me about Travis!

Happy birthday to your sister!!

We have cool dads

I introduced my dad to The Good Place and got him obsessed. Then I rewatched the latest Nathan, and had a horror marathon of Scream, Get Out, and Halloween. I’m psyched because my birthday is Monday and I’m treating myself to a double feature of Happy Death Day and It (already saw & loved It)

And they look like such upstanding citizens.

Great! Now let’s expose Dan Schneider.

Seeing Christmas stuff in October makes me hate Christmas a little more each year and brings me closer and closer to accepting Satan into my life

As an adult, I was Annie from Community’s paintball episode a few years ago.

Waiting 2 years for Season 4 has been agony but it has paid off tremendously. He has mastered his craft. Just when you think he’s reached his limit, he goes above and beyond. Also, I love him hiding behind trees.

Barf.

Silly me. Did I say “took a shit”? Talk about fake news. I meant “PROUDLY took a shit”

At this point, I keep confusing him with that London brother who took a shit in the back of a cop car.

The fact that Ted Cruz figures himself a comedic man makes me want to give myself a thousand paper cuts and shower in bleach

Seagal? Creepy? Certainly not!

See, this is the Def Poetry that ignites my soul.